


Neighborhoods

by pretty0dd_semisweet



Category: Blink-182
Genre: Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-29
Updated: 2013-06-29
Packaged: 2017-12-16 14:13:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 28,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/862929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pretty0dd_semisweet/pseuds/pretty0dd_semisweet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tom's life is a rollercoaster of emotions. During daytime he has to deal with the arguing of his parents, school and his slowly falling in love with his best friend Mark.<br/>~<br/>This fic is losely based on the album Neighborhoods by blink-182. The chapters contain lyrics from each song, they are also named like them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ghost On The Dance Floor

**Author's Note:**

> The first fic I've ever written, I hope you enjoy it.

“I guess you’re fucked, dude.” Mark was staring in Tom’s direction. The younger boy was holding his head like he had a bad headache. “I know, dude. My parents will kill me. Wait, no. They will torture me first.” Tom answered.

They were both sitting in Mark’s car, caught up in an endless traffic jam. It wasn’t like they couldn’t pass the time, no, the problem was that Tom should have been at home like an hour ago. His parents had barely let him go to the gig and now he would probably never be allowed to leave the house again. ‘Forever grounded. What a nice future’, Tom thought. He let out a silent moan.

“Well at least the band was pretty fucking awesome”, Mark tried to cheer Tom up. “You know what? You can stay over at my house. Mom won’t complain. Seriously, stop being so sad and smile, fucker”.

“Oh, shut up, you dick, I know you only want to get into my pants.” Tom chuckled. “Thank you, Mark.” He added, relieved that he didn’t had to face his parents tonight.

“You know, I’ll never let you down boy…”, Mark whispered. Tom immediately froze and looked at Mark, directly into his almost unreal blue eyes. He gulped and quickly looked out of the car window again. After a short awkward moment Mark said:”You know, now that it’s already late, let’s get some food somewhere and maybe scribble down some lyrics for blink?” Tom knew Mark just wanted to break the awkward silence, he hated moments like that. “Sure, dude. I’m fucking hungry anyways. And I need to pee, like seriously, I think my bladder will explode” “Ew, you’re gross, Tom.” Mark laughed a bit. Oh god, Tom loved Marks laugh. ‘Wait that sounded gay. I’m totally not gay’, Tom thought. They sat in the car for another half an hour when the traffic finally started to move.”So after fucking 3 hours we finally leave that damn highway”, Mark said to himself. Tom noticed that Mark looked a bit exhausted and suddenly felt his own exhaustion. He mumbled “hmm...” and from one second to another he fell asleep, his head leaning on the window of the car.

Tom felt someone shaking him softly. He opened his eyes to see Mark looking at him and his hand placed on Tom’s shoulder. “Sorry that I have to wake you up, but we’re at my house. So do you want to get out or keep on drooling over the seat of my car?” said the amused 20 year old, adding “By the way, you look like shit” to piss off Tom a bit more. “Oh fuck off, fucker. I’m coming.” He got himself out of the car and actually stumbled more than walked to the door. Mark was already inside, telling his Mom that Tom would stay over the night. “No problem, my dear” she said to Mark and when she saw Tom, she gasped a little. ‘God, I really must look like shit.’ Tom turned around to see him looking at himself in the mirror. He looked worse than shit. Actually he looked like he hadn’t slept for days, which basically wasn’t wrong. He had slept really bad lately, he always had those awful nightmares and then he woke up in the middle of the night and couldn’t go back to sleep. It was so extremely annoying to wake up every night, being all sweaty and shit because you have dreamt bad.

“Tom, what are you doing?” he heard Mark screaming from the living room. “Sorry, dude, I was just staring at my own beauty.” Tom walked into the living room and saw that Mark had prepared something to eat. Suddenly he felt how hungry he actually was, hungry and tired, what a great mixture. Mark started talking:”I got some food while you were asleep, I hope you are okay with that.” He pointed at the table where Tom could see chips and some tacos. “Awesome, thank you so much Mark, I’m feeling like I could eat a whole cow.” “Me too, you can start, I’ll just go and wash my hands.” “Don’t try to act hygienic, you would probably eat something right after you jerked off without washing your hands” Tom shouted after Mark who went out of the room. Tom sat down and grabbed something to eat. Mark always knew what Tom liked, they could probably survive together without talking. Tom always wondered why Mark chose Tom as his best friend. Mark was 4 years older and like a lot cooler than himself. He just knew how to make Tom laugh, they would probably never get to old for dick jokes. ‘Yeah, and I’m that stupid 16 year old who got kicked out of school and probably just fails everything he tries’ Tom thought. That’s when Mark entered the room. “Hey fucker, stop dreaming” he said. Tom looked up and stared in those beautiful blue eyes again. Seriously, he hadn’t seen such beautiful eyes before. Mark interrupted his thoughts again “Stop looking in my eyes like you were in love with me you creep.” “The only creepy thing here is your dick” Tom answered. Mark let out laugh and sat down. During the meal they both talked about some things going on in Tom’s school, Mark’s work and of course Mark’s girlfriend. Josie. Tom didn’t like her at all. She was no fun and Tom didn’t even know why Mark liked her. But it seemed like Mark likes to spend time with her, they had been together for 3 or 4 months already. He actually was a bit jealous, but he would never admit that in front of Mark.

After the dinner, they went upstairs into Mark’s room. Tom stopped in the door frame. “Umm, Mark, where am I going to sleep?” he asked a bit shy. “If it’s okay for you, both of us could sleep in my bed, it’s big enough.” Mark answered, searching for some pajamas for Tom. Tom’s breathing stopped for one moment. Together in a bed with Mark? Somehow this thought excited him. “Yeah, sure no problem, thank you for the pj anyways.” He answered way to quickly so Mark gave him a weird look but didn’t say anything.

While Mark went to the bathroom to brush his teeth Tom quickly changed into the clothes Mark gave him and covered himself in the blanket and just laid there in Marks bed staring at the ceiling. A few minutes later Mark came in and get into the bed right next to Tom. He turned out the light and suddenly it got dark. Tom turned over to face Mark. “Good Night” he mumbled tiredly, suddenly feeling so unbelievable tired, when he drifted off to sleep, not even noticing the words Mark said and the smile on the older boys face.

_Tom was running down a street. So many people are around him. All at his age, some are a bit older, some are younger but no adults at all. The kids are in a hurry. He doesn’t know why but he is full of fear. It was just this strong feeling inside him. Pure fear. It’s dark and the street lights make the bodies blurry. It’s hard enough to hear but all the people are following a trace of music. It’s leading them to a club. He get’s pushed inside, in the middle of so many people, he is standing on the dance floor, all alone with people dancing around him. Then he sees Mark. And it fucking hurt like hell. Like something inside him exploded at the other boy’s sight. Tom sees how Mark makes his way through the crowd, right towards Tom. When Mark finally stands in front of Tom they both start to dance. Toms fear disappears with the time and now he has a strong warm feeling in his whole body. Both boys eyes are locked and nobody wants to break the connection between them. It is like just the pure look of Mark’s eyes make Tom’s wound start to heal. The wounds on Tom’s soul. The younger boy just hoped that Mark will never leave him and stay with him forever, dancing in the middle of the crowd and it was like the older boy has read his thoughts because Mark bends over and whispers right into Tom’s ear: “If I never leave this dance floor, then I’ll never leave you here…”_


	2. Natives

Natives

Tom opened his eyes very slowly. The room was flooded with light and through his half opened, half closed eyes he saw a silhouette. It took a moment before he remembered where he was.

“Get the fuck out of my bed, Tom. I made breakfast so hurry, okay. I’ll drive you to school later, right?” Mark was walking around in his room searching for some clothes for Tom to wear because there was no way he could wear his dirty clothes from the gig yesterday to school. While he walks he continues talking “Here, that should fit you” he threw some shorts and a t-shirt at Tom who was still lying in the bed. “Oh come on Tom, I made pancakes.” “Why didn’t you tell me that earlier?” Tom said, suddenly jumping out of the bed like he was awake for hours and not for a minute. He felt excited like a kid, just because Mark made him fucking pancakes. He quickly changed into his clothes and followed Mark down the stairs, the sweet smell of freshly baked pancakes flooding into his nose.

“Aw Mark they taste perfect.” Tom mumbled with amazement. Every time Mark makes pancakes Tom always wonders how good they taste, it’s basically heaven, holy pancakes. “Yeah, not less perfect than I am” Mark said laughing, picking up a piece of pancake with his fork. ‘He’s right, he is perfect… What the fuck am I thinking? That sounded like I was gay oh my god’ Tom stopped chewing for a moment. He stared at his plate, suddenly not sure about anything anymore. A sudden thought crossed Tom’s mind. “Is something wrong, Tom?” Tom raised his head, noticing that Mark was looking at him. He looked a bit concerned. “Umm uhh no?” Tom’s answer sounded more like an question. Now Mark looked even more concerned. “What’s up, Tom? Tell me. You know you can tell me anything. Do you have something to hide?” he looks really serious right now. Tom started feeling really uncomfortable “Uh wh-why do you ask, Mark?” he asks. “I don’t know. Maybe because I think that we all do. So, do you?”

Tom didn’t know what to answer. Did he? That was a good question actually. Before he could answer (he didn’t know what to say anyways) Mark kept on speaking “Do you have trouble, Tom? With your family? With girls?” He emphasized the word girls. Tom almost started to laugh, he couldn’t help but start to giggle. ‘Girls… HAH… They’re my least problem right now…’ he thought. “Why are you laughing Tom? This was a serious question” Mark looked a bit annoyed, so Tom promptly stopped laughing. ‘Quick Tom, think something up to tell him’ “Uh. Actually I got some problems with my parents” he quickly says, trying to avoid Mark’s eyes. He felt terrible lying to his best friend who just wanted to help him. Well, basically it wasn’t a lie. He always had problems with his parents: school, coming home late, parties etc.

“Nothing special, though. The usual shit, you know” he changed the topic “Hey Mark, we should hurry a bit, we’re already a little late for school.” Mark takes a short look at the clock. “Oh shit”, he mutters. “I should have called Josie 20 minutes ago. She wanted to go to the mall at 10…” Suddenly Mark looks stressed. “Um I’ll go and get my things, okay Mark?” That moment Tom noticed that he actually hadn’t any things to take to school because he didn’t plan to stay at Marks house tonight. That basically means that he has to go home first. “Uh Mark, I don’t have any things here… Could you drop me at home please, it’s okay. I’ll walk to school and you got trouble with Josie because of me anyways.”

After Mark had called Josie (he seemed pretty pissed after the call, didn’t went that well then) he dropped Tom at his house. “See you later” he yelled out of the car window, leaving Tom looking after the car as it drove away. ‘I’m just a waste of your time, maybe I’m better off dead’ Tom thought.

Tom opened the door, trying to don’t make any noise. He sneaked up the stairs and quickly ran into his room. He got his things for school as fast as he could when he heard a voice. “Thomas? Where have you been the whole time?” Tom turned around and saw his mother standing in the doorframe. When she continued speaking her words got louder with every word she said “ Do you know how scared I was? Everything could have happened to you! And you didn’t even call! Tell me, where did you stay at night?” Tom could see the anger when he looked in her face. He tried to avoid her eyes when he answered “I’m sorry, Mom. I stayed at Mark’s house and I was just too tired to call you, please Mom, you ground me all the time…” he felt a bit anxious now. He doesn’t want to be grounded again. Tom always hated staying at home and knowing that everyone was having fun while he was sitting in his room and that’s why he almost always climbs out of his window and drives away with his skateboard. That get’s him grounded again usually.

“We’re going to talk later, Thomas, so you’re better coming home after school. Do you understand me?” she stares at him like she wanted to kill him. “Uh sure mom, sorry again” Tom mutteres and rushes out of the door. He almost jumps down the stairs just to escape the look of his mother. While grabbing his skateboard he runs out of the door.

School. Tom fucking hates school. He didn’t get why he had to learn all those things when he would be in the most fucking awesome band ever anyways. So why do people make him learn things he will never need? How can he enjoy the future when the present is already scary? Tom always wondered about that. Fucking school. The day got by so slowly, the hours felt like days and Tom tried his best not to sleep in class. When the final bell rang, Tom got up and almost walked into Travis, one of his closest friends. He was more like the quiet type, but who the fuck cares, he was a nice guy and had a great music taste. “Hey dude, what’s up? Do you wanna go to Sombreros with me and the others?” Travis asked Tom. “Uh yeah... you know. I got some trouble with my mom and need to fix that shit first…” he answered. Travis didn’t look surprised, Tom always had trouble with his parents “Sure, dude. If you can make it, come over. Okay?” “Sure thing, I’ll try” Tom nods and finally makes his way out of school. ‘It’s like from going to hell in the hell’s hell. ’, Tom thought.

At home Tom walks straight to the kitchen. He needs to fix that shit right now or his mother will get even madder. “Hey Mom” Tom said quietly. His mother looked up from the book she was reading and stared at him for a moment, a pensive look on her face when she finally started talking “I won’t ground you, Tom. We both know this doesn’t make anything better, you won’t listen to me anyways. Just think about your parents Tom. Just think about how this is for us. We give the best we can. I hope you know that. Just think about how we feel when things like this happen. “

‘I’m a disappointment. I’m just fucking disappointing everyone’. Tom turned on his heels, walking upstairs slowly like in trance, fighting back the tears. When he got in his room he couldn’t hold them back anymore, he started sobbing and fell down on his bed.

“I’m such a fuck up, I am such a fucking fuck up” Tom kept repeating, head on his pillow and crying his eyes out, all the feelings were flooding through his body and he was shaking. He laid there for hours and it was dark already when no tears were left anymore and Tom drifted off to sleep, his pillow soaked from his tears.

_Tom stands alone in the middle of a field, eyes closed shut. He automatically started walking and with every step he got faster, he heated up and his whole body started to burn. One moment to another there are so many people, he still had his eyes closed but he knew they were there. They gather around him. And when he finally opens his eyes he’s sees a bright light and he’s burning, he’s bright as the sun, he burns everyone around him. That’s when he notices who the people are: His family, his friends. Mark. He can’t stand the light and the burning is hurting him so bad and he closes his eyes._

_When he opens his eyes again he’s alone again. But there, up n the side of the field he sees a city with lights. He starts runnin, in the need to find human, animals, just something that is alive. And then he sees a body lying on the ground. He touched his face when he kneels down, and the boy tells him he’s not alive. Mark tells him he’s not alive. Tom felt the urge to run, run away from Mark but he is too nervous to run. He falls down again, kneeling on the ground when he sees them. The kids from the street, the kids from the club, the kids of his dream last night. The kids of his dream tonight. They scatter and hide and Tom tried to reach for them, he needs to be with people, the lonely feeling inside him is driving him insane. But as he still reaches and grabs for someone it all got dark. The darkness exerts pressure on him and Tom knows that he’s buried alive, alone again._

Tom wakes with a start. His clothes were soaked from sweat and he was shivering. The nightmare left a hole inside him. A nightmare again. That’s when Tom realized he didn’t dream bad the last night when he was with Mark. Mark… He remembers the scenes of the dream with Mark. Mark died in his dream. Tom wanted to call him. Tom needed to hear his voice.


	3. Up All Night

Tom needed to call Mark, he needed to hear his voice, hear him speak, imagining his lips forming the words he is saying.

He jumped out of his bed, crashing into the door of his room as he tried to open it and almost fell down the stairs as he reached for the phone. He didn’t care if he made noise, if his parents would wake up, if he would be yelled at. He didn’t care what will happen once he called at Marks house, in the middle of the night, he didn’t care who would answer the phone, Marks mom, his sister, he just didn’t fucking care. It didn’t matter to him, because the only thing important was that he needed to listen to Marks words trying to calm him down. As he grabbed the phone his hands were shaking and he could barely dial the number. When he finally managed to type the numbers he pressed the phone against his ear. ‘Please, please someone answer the phone’ Tom begged, his head leaned on the wall in the hall. As the phone continued beeping he slid down the wall and when he reached the ground he heard the freeing voice. “Do you know what fucking time it is, you better have a good explanation for this, Tom!” he heard Marks sleepy voice through the phone, he could almost see him in his pajamas and with his messed up hair. “Ma- Mark”, he whispered weakly, the free hand pressed against his eyes. “Tom? Tom are you crying? Is something wrong?” Mark sounded concerned when he answered. “N-No- Just- I needed to hear your voice, Marky…” Tom’s voice broke and he sobbed and then the tears started falling down his cheeks, dropping into is lap. “Tom, please, don’t cry, what is wrong? Shall I come over? Please tell me!” Mark seemed so upset right now, Tom smiled a bit while the tears were still flowing. Mark cared so much, oh he loved Mark so much he couldn’t find words for that feeling. “No Mark, don’t, I- just… Is it okay if I come over? I’ll skate, I just.. I just need some fresh air to get my head clear. I’ll tell you later… Okay?” He still sounded way too weak than he wanted too, but at least he wasn’t sobbing anymore. Mark seemed to notice that because when he started speaking again his voice was calmer: “Sure, dude. I’m waiting for you…” “Thank you, Mark. Thank you so much for everything” And that’s when Tom hung up. He buried his head in his hands, trying to hold in the hysterical laughter caused by Mark’s last sentence. ‘I’m waiting for you…’

Tom got up slowly, brushing his arm over his face to dry the tears. ‘Dry your eyes, get on your feet.’ He said to himself while he walked to the front door, searching for his skateboard and when he finally found it he pushed the door open, stepping outside.

When he skated down the street, when the wind was blowing in his face, when the stars where shining above him, then he realized he fell in love. He fell in love with Mark. He’d probably never admit it, but he always had been attracted to the older boy, he was just too handsome and had such a perfect character, how couldn’t he? He liked girls, yeah like a lot, fuck, he loved boobies, but then there was Mark. And he just knew he was in love with him. He has never felt like this before and he liked it. But it hurt too, because Mark sure wasn’t gay. Not for Tom, not for anyone. That thought made him tear up again. What should he tell Mark now, Mark sure would want to know why he was crying. But the truth was that Tom didn’t know what he should tell him. There was so much going on in his head right now, so many feelings flooding through his body. So many problems, so many wishes.

That’s when he arrived in front of Marks house. And Mark was waiting for him, standing in the door frame and looking at him, he looked so sad and confused. Tom just wanted to hug him, hold him close and kiss him, yes, he wanted to kiss him so bad. He carefully took step after step and then he stood there, right in front of Mark, looking straight into his eyes. Tom loved Marks eyes, they were showing so many feelings, hiding so many dreams.

“Tom.” Mark said in a tonelessly voice. “Mark”, Tom answered, directly staring into his eyes. He took a quick look at those beautiful lips which he wanted to feel so bad on his own ones. He raised his look again and Mark just kept staring at him. And then Mark wrapped his hands around him and pressed him against his body. Tom left out a quiet whimper, placing his head on Marks shoulder. “Whatever it is Tom, I’m here for you. Do you know that?” Mark whispered in his ear. Tom shivered, just pressing his head more on Marks shoulder, tightening the grip. That’s how they stood there, it felt like an eternity but still not long enough.

“Let’s go inside” Mark mumbled and Tom suddenly realized how cold it was outside. Mark led him inside, Tom blindly following him into the dark. All the lights were turned off when they entered the house and then Mark suddenly stopped. The younger boy could hear the older ones breath. It was so quiet, their breathing was the only noise, except a clocks soft ticking somewhere in the back of the hall. After a few moments of silence Mark kept on walking but then he stopped again when Tom started speaking. “I have bad dreams, Mark. I have nightmares. You died in my dream, Mark, you fucking died in my fucking arms… It was so scary, Mark, it was just so scary…” Tom’s voice started to get weaker but he continued talking. “These dreams… They are like demons. And all these demons, they keep me up all night.” That’s when his voice cracked again. “Everyone wants to call it all around our life with a better name. Right? We all try to say everything is okay even if it’s not. And…” Tom’s legs suddenly gave in, he fell to the ground. Mark reacted quickly and got onto his knees too. Tom needed a moment until he could continue talking. He leaned against the stairs. “And everyone lies and cheats their wants and needs and still believes their heart. This is so depressing Mark, because everyone is lying to themselves, fuck it, we are too. I don’t know what, but there are things we try to not even think. And then we betray ourselves because we pretend to be alright. To be okay.” Tom took a deep breath. “Let me get this straight, do you want me here?” This question has been on Tom’s mind since he started speaking, no, since he arrived at Mark’s house. The older boy was so quiet, it seemed wrong. When Mark started speaking his voice was so low that Tom had problems to understand him. “Are you afraid of being alone? Cause I am… I’d never let you go, Tom. Right now, every other place would be the wrong one for you. Do you understand that? Stay with me.”


	4. After Midnight

 “Are you afraid of being alone? Cause I am… I’d never let you go, Tom. Right now, every other place would be the wrong one for you. Do you understand that? Stay with me.” Mark’s words hit Tom, they found their way right into his heart. If Mark just knew what those words did with him. ‘Do you grin inside? Your killing me’ Tom asked himself before answering Mark with his voice low: “Did you know? I’m here to stay.” After Tom spoke those words Mark grabbed him by his hands and pulled him into a hug. Both enjoyed the warm bodies and the silence, but after a moment Mark let go of him and sat down on the stairs, gesturing Tom to sit down too. Tom slowly placed himself next to Mark and stared into the darkness when Mark started talking. “I think I’m going to break up with Josie. I still don’t know how to do it, but I knew it like a month ago that I would do it. We all change and we probably changed into a wrong direction, all along we talked of forever but I kinda think that we won’t get better. I just don’t know, the feelings are gone. I haven’t told anyone yet, but you felt like the right person and right now felt like the right time. I think I just need time for myself, I’m probably not aware of how fucked up my mind actually is, but this is right. I should do it.”

Tom didn’t know what to say. He didn’t expect that. Mark was going to break up with Josie. Wow. On the one hand he was sorry for Mark but on the other hand, he was really relieved that he didn’t have to share his best friend anymore. Nobody would touch his Mark anymore. Well, not like forever, but at least for now. And that was good enough for him, he could live with that. But he didn’t want that Mark felt bad, maybe he would feel bad after he’d broken up with her and he would regret it. Tom didn’t want that, so he questioned Marks decision “Are you sure? I mean, like, do you think you really want that?”

Mark looked a bit like he had spaced out but Toms words brought him back into reality. “Yeah, I think so. I guess that’s the right decision. You know, Tom, I just don’t love her anymore. We had our time and it was cool and shit but now it’s over. There is something I have to sort out with myself, I don’t know how it explain it right now…” Mark was really calm, even if his words were full of feelings.

“I think I know how you feel, dude. I myself am a bit confused lately. It’s like everything and everybody is changing and not only in a good way. My family situation is fucked up, I’m probably driving my Mom insane and I really don’t want that. I’m such a fuck up, Mark, seriously everything is breaking apart and every time I try to do something good, I fail. Not to speak of relationships, holy shit, no. I’d suck dick in that.” After he said that, he realized how gay that last part sounded and started giggling hysterically. Mark first giggled too, but when Tom tried to save the situation with “Uh not literally sucking dick, just… Fuck it” Mark snorted with laughter now “You mean, suck it, right?” Tom looked really embarrassed now but on the other side he found it really amusing himself, so he continued talking “Ah Markyboy, do you want me to suck your dick?” He spoke with a girly high pitched voice and moaned playfully. “Come here boy, I know you want it” he had a hard time acting serious, but when he saw how his words make Mark laugh he didn’t care. “Oh yeah, Markyboy, let me touch you…” He said, running his fingers down his body.

That moment they heard something burst. Both boys turned around, and right there on the top of the stairs was Marks sister standing, her right hand still in the air, holding a not anymore existent glass of water, that she obviously dropped when she heard Tom’s words. Tom’s face was burning red now, everybody must see it even if it was dark in the house, but Mark couldn’t hold his laughter back anymore and almost screamed. The whole situation was so funny(well, it seemed like it was only funny for Mark, it looked like he was dying, right there, rolling around on the stairs (it looked really uncomfortable by the way) and laughing like he had gone insane. Anne was still standing in top of the two boys, not moving. Tom didn’t know how to react right now. He just offered Mark to suck his dick (even it was just a joke, well, for Mark at least, Tom wouldn’t mind actually…) while his sister was listening. And by the look on Annes face she didn’t think it was a joke.

“A- Anne, this wasn’t how it might looked like.. um.. we were just joking around. You know? Right, yeah, umm.” Tom stuttered, not knowing what to say. He didn’t know what to say very often lately.

Anne seemed to wake up from the “shock” and frowned a bit, then she looked down on the floor, noticing the broken fragments of the glass and the water dripping down the steps. She quickly kneeled down, picking up the pieces of the broken glass, but then she lifted her head and looked at Tom. “Yeah, sure…” She said, but the little smirk on her face and the look in her eyes that she didn’t believe him 100 %. And she was right. Tom wouldn’t say no to Mark if he had allowed him to do _it._

Tom blushed even more, he didn’t think it was possible to get even redder, but yeah, it seems like he hadn’t reached the limit yet. Mark still couldn’t calm down and kept on laughing like a retard. Tom was wondering that Mrs Hoppus hasn’t woken up yet. It was pretty fucking loud down here and she didn’t wake up. ‘Fuck, would it be rad if my parents had a deep sleep like that.’ Tom thought, still red like a tomato.

Mark seemed to calm down a little now but when he sat up he saw his sister cleaning up the mess she made he started laughing louder again. The younger boy just sat there helplessly on the stairs, waiting for Mark to cool down a bit and it was like the older boy has read his mind, because Tom really didn’t know how to handle the situation, so Mark laughed a little less.

“Well that was fun..” Mark was still panting, trying to catch his breath. “By the way Tom, you don’t need to suck my dick, thank you for the offer anyways.” He started giggling again but composed himself again.

“What are you doing here anyways, Tom?” Anne asked with a curious voice. She slowly came down the stairs while she carefully tried not to step into pieces of the broken glass.

Of course Tom couldn’t tell her that he had a nightmare and needed to see Mark, how childish would that sound though? Tom was still searching for an answer when Mark helped him out : “He forgot something this morning, you know, and he wanted to show me some lyrics, right, Tom?” “Uh yeah, lyrics.. Oh. Lyrics, yeah of course. And I forgot something…?” The last part sounded more like a question and Tom was completely confused now. Anne seemed to notice and didn’t look like she was convinced by her brothers words. “At this time? Well, who cares anyways. Just be a little bit quieter next time, please.” With those words she left the boys alone and went into the kitchen to get something to clean up the mess she had made.

“Thank you for saving me. I couldn’t stand it to look like a child in front of your sister.” Tom said, his face still red. He lifted his ass up too and followed Mark, who obviously was on his way to his room. “Watch out for the splitters, okay?” the older boy warned him and Tom carefully watched every step.

When they finally arrived in Marks room they both sat down on Marks bed.

“So, this nightmare thing. What’s up with that?” Mark asked Tom directly.

“Well..” Tom wasn’t actually feeling uncomfortable but he didn’t really like speaking about his feelings, he rather wrote down some lyrics then. But he knew, Mark would listen to him. And that he would understand.

“Well… I guess it happens a lot lately. I have this really weird things going on in my dreams, it’s scary. As I told you before, you died in my dream. I don’t know what all of this means, I’m not an expert in dreams and shit but yeah, I sure know it’s not something positive.”

Mark was quiet for a moment, he probably thought of what to say next. “Do you know anything that can make it stop?”

“Naw, not really. I tried some sleeping pills but they couldn’t stop me from dreaming that shit. It’s mostly about being alone, I guess. Just sometimes, when I’m with people it’s okay. I mean, you know, when I slept over at your house yesterday it wasn’t a bad dream. It was a nice dream actually.”

Tom didn’t want to say that last part, but he just felt like it. Mark wouldn’t judge him anyways, he would probably take it as a compliment.

“Well, I guess I’m a good influence on you then…” Mark laughed quietly “There’s much going on in your head right now, hmm?”

If Mark just knew how much was going on in Toms head. If he didn’t know it better, he’d think it wasn’t even possible to have so many things rushing through his head. The problem was that his biggest fear was something he couldn’t tell him. The fear of being rejected. The fear of being rejected by Mark.

“It’s just a lot at once, you know…” He tried to sound calm and it almost worked.

“You can tell me everything, Tom. Everything.” Mark sounded so calm and just listening to his words made Tom feel better.

“I know, dude. It’s just.. It’s just so hard to explain. I’m not sure about it myself.”

Tom couldn’t say more, well, he didn’t want to. That had to be enough for now, he still wasn’t a whiny little child that couldn’t deal with his feelings on his own. Goddamn, he was a fucking 16 year old boy.

“Take your time, we have enough of it, I guess.” Mark laid down on the bed staring up to the ceiling. Tom turned his head and looked at him for a while. Mark didn’t seem to notice, he must have been deep in thoughts. ‘Gosh, he looks so beautiful.’ Tom wasn’t surprised about his thoughts anymore. He just had to admit to himself he was totally in love with the blue eyed boy.

“You can stay over the night again, if you want to.” Marks words slowly made their way to Tom who was still observing the older boys face, so the offer caught him a little off guard.

“If you don’t mind?” Tom was really relieved that he could stay. He didn’t want to leave Mark, but he didn’t want to ask him. He didn’t want to get on his nerves, but now that Mark offered him to stay he felt much better.

“Yeah, it’s no problem. Not that my mom would care. Only Anne might think that we are doing some dirty things right now” Tom immediately blushed when Mark said that “but who gives a fuck. You said that you slept well over here? You need some good rest, so yeah…”

“Thank you so much Mark. Seriously, you’re a fucking awesome best friend.” Tom was really glad that he had found Mark.

“Yeah, I know that I’m fucking awesome and I’m _fucking_ awesome too…” Mark grinned and Tom let himself fall next to Mark. “I think we should sleep right, maybe? It’s after midnight, and I still have school tomorrow, ya know…” “Sure, dude. I’ll just get changed. I don’t think that my mom put away the pajama you used last night already, so you can wear that. But it’s fucking hot in here, so I might sleep in my boxers if you don’t care?” Mark looked at Tom and sure Tom didn’t care.

“Yeah, no problem dude. I’ll wear mine too then, it’s actually really fucking hot in here. We could open the window a little, too.”

Mark already got up and opened a bit too. After he let in some fresh air he started taking off his clothes. Tom watched him, hopefully not that obviously that Mark would notice. Tom himself got up of the bed too and started undressing. When he finished he was standing there, just in his boxers, and right in front of him Mark. Tom glanced at him for a moment but quickly turned around and laid down on the big bed. Mark placed himself next to him, turning out the lamp on the nightstand and suddenly it was dark again.

“You know, that ‘I’d suck dick’ thing was fucking hilarious, dude.”

“You fucker” Tom mumbled sleepily and closed his eyes, still having a smile on his face, he slept in.

_Tom can’t get his feet up off the edge. No matter how hard he tries, his feet won’t take the saving step backwards, away from the deep. He kinda likes the little rush he get’s when he’s standing close to death. It was kind of driving him crazy. He feels a blast of air and can’t hold himself on the ground anymore. He starts falling_

_He falls into complete darkness. But he isn’t alone. Someone is holding his hand while he is falling. Through the rush of falling, he hears that person whispering something again and again “Hold on as we crash into the earth” It was Marks voice._

_They fall together for like an eternity, at least it feels like that for but from one moment to another they hit the ground._

_It’s not dark anymore. It’s bright and everything shines._

_Tom and Mark stand in front of a giant circular stair. Mark starts walking towards it, still holding Toms hand. When Tom doesn’t make an effort to move, Mark turns around and gives Tom an intensive look. In his dream, Mark’s eyes seem to shine even brighter than in reality. As soon as Marks eyes meet his, he feels the need to follow Mark, he feels the need to reach the end of the stairs._

_After a long time walking, it seems like they don’t make any progress. It seems like they haven’t got any farther than from the start. Mark notices Tom’s uncertainty. He looks Tom deep in the eyes again and he doesn’t even talk this time, Marks words just seem to flow into Toms mind. ‘It's the longest start, but the end’s not too far away’._

_Tom, still surprised by Marks words suddenly being in his head, starts walking again. The Stairwell still seems endless to him._

_After a long time they finally seem to make progress. With every second now they get farther up the stairs and after another indefinite time they finally stand on the top of the stairs._

_In front of them is paradise. Well, at least what Tom expects to be paradise._

_He takes a step forward but this time Mark holds him back. “Don’t.” Is everything he says, but he doesn’t let go of Tom’s hand again. But the younger boy can’t resist, he starts walking towards the fertile land again but as soon as he touched the holy ground something scary happens._

_From one moment to another the beautiful land turns into hell. All the trees and waterfalls and animals which have been there a second before transform into a horrible scene. Bursting volcanoes, demons and fire come up, it looks so wrong. Just a second before there has been a perfect landscape and now everything is rotten and burning._

_A sudden power pulls Tom into this burning hell. But Marks hand is still holding him, his grip tight and it doesn’t look like he is going to release Tom’s hand very soon. The older boys starts walking backwards, down the steps, taking Tom with him, away from the scary scene._

_As soon as they are in the stairwell again, Mark sits down. Tom is doing the same and places himself next to his friend. “ Thank you”, was everything he could say, still shocked from what just happened._

_“I’ll never let you down boy, I’ll never let you go.” Mark says without looking at Tom._

_The same words that he had said in the car, right after the trip to the concert._

_He grabs Mark and pulls him into a hug. And then Mark falls asleep in his arms. Tom feels his eyelids fall down too. He could stay like this forever._

_Sleeping arm in arm in the stairwell._


	5. Hearts All Gone

Tom opened his eyes slowly. The room was still dark and Tom was grateful for that. Because he had a little problem right now.

And that little problem was his dick. He had a motherfucking boner while lying in Mark Hoppus’ bed. Great. Not to mention Mark was lying in the same bed.

He slowly turned his head around to face the other boy, who was hopefully still sleeping. The fact that Mark wasn’t sleeping, but obviously watching Tom, wasn’t helping him with his little problem. Tom felt slightly uncomfortable but the look in the older boys eyes somehow filled his head with a blur.

Neither Tom nor Mark were saying a word, they were just looking at each other, everything seemed to slow down and it felt like the time had stopped.

It wasn’t as awkward as it may sound, actually both boys were so completely lost in their minds that they didn’t hear the door open.

“Gosh, that is so gay.” Anne was standing in the doorframe.

Mark was slowly waking up out of his daydream and blinked a few times like he’d just woken up. He didn’t even bother to face Anne when he started talking: “Haven’t you ever heard of knocking at the door first before coming in?” “I have knocked three times, Mark.” Now Mark looks a bit confused. “Really?” “Yeah, but you were pretty engaged in staring at each other.”

Tom didn’t dare to turn around to lie on his back, because he was really hard now. He was sure that both, Mark and Anne, would see the bulge through the sheets. He didn’t even want to think about getting out of the bed.

He steadily lifted his head a little bit just to see Anne standing there, looking at them with a devilish grin. Immediately the pictures of last night returned and Tom blushed. Meanwhile Mark tried to get rid of Anne without getting up himself.

“Oh come on Anne, I know we’re late, I just… Yeah, okay, we’re coming, and now get the fuck away or do you like watching us change?” He sounded a bit annoyed now. Anne seemed to notice and she left the room, but not without murmuring some words she probably shouldn’t use.

“Sorry dude” Mark was facing Tom again now. He ran his hand through his unmanageable hair and smiled a little. The smell of his apple shampoo was pretty intense and Tom almost soaked it in. Suddenly realizing how gay that might actually look like, Mark’s facial expression changes to wondering for a second but then relaxes again. However he lifted up his body and looked down at the other boy who was still refusing to get out of bed.

“I actually wanted to get up earlier but I just.. Ah you know. Sorry, I’ll throw some clothes on and prepare you something to eat for school. We won’t have time to drive to your home, I’ll just drop you off at school.”

Mark jumps out of the bed and started searching for some clothes for Tom and himself to wear. He found something for Tom immediately and when he finally found something for himself too, he disappeared to the bathroom just to come back completely changed but still with slightly messy hair, as usual.

Tom, who had sat up in bed by now, was placing his hands on his crotch to hide the still existing bulge. His friend looked a bit confused that Tom was still in bed but when he saw Tom’s hands and their placement he grinned. Mark had caught him. The young boy blushed immediately. ‘What’s that fucking thing with blushing all the time, I’m not a teenage girl, get your shit together, Tom!’ he said to himself.

“I’ll leave you alone then, I’m downstairs, you know.” Mark left the room with a big grin on his face and then Tom was alone again.

He slowly peeled himself out of the sheets and stood up. Tom wouldn’t do anything like touching himself in Marks room now, the danger of being caught by Marks sister or Mark himself was too high. He was just hoping that his little ‘problem’ would disappear soon.

Completely changed he walked down the stairs. There wasn’t left a hint of what happened last night, no glass splitter or stains that could tell the story of how Tom embarrassed himself in front of Mark and his sister.

Mark was leaning against the kitchen counter when Tom entered the room. Tom’s boner had been gone completely now. “Thank god…” Tom muttered quietly that nobody could hear him.

“Can we go?” Mark pointed at a bag which contained something to eat for school. Tom crossed the room and took a look into the bag, finding a sandwich and an apple.

“I thought I’d give you something healthy.” Mark grinned. He pushed himself away from the kitchen counter and made his way through the room straight to the door. He turned around and gestured Tom to follow him.

“Yeah, thank you Mom.” Tom gave back his lopsided smile and followed him.

 

After Mark had dropped him and Anne at school he already misses the older boy. His presence is just like medicine for Tom’s soul. Every time he is with him he feels like all the weight is lifted up from his body, it’s feels like he is free.

The car ride had been a bit awkward for Tom since Anne started to grin like a retard when she go in the car and basically didn’t stop until they arrived and got out. During the drive the three didn’t talk that much but it was okay.

School was boring as hell, again. He hated it so much. He could have spent his time doing much better things, but no, he had to sit here inside the tall building, waiting for the bell to ring.

After English class Travis was leaning over onto Tom’s desk “Do you wanna come to a party? My friends pick me up at 11.30. The thing’s at that Scott’s house but people are cool there. You can bring someone with you if you want to.”

Travis always invited Tom to parties. Most of them were pretty much boring but that Scott guy was kinda cool and he liked the same music as Tom, so he decided to agree. He hadn’t been to a real party for ages.

“Sure dude, thanks for asking. By the way, sorry I couldn’t make it yesterday.”

“No problem, Tom. So, see ya on Friday” And with that, Travis got up and left the class room.

For the rest of the time in school Tom stared out of the window. The only interesting thing that happened was a bird shitting on the head of a guy of the football team. Tom had to hold back a laughter, all these famous guys and their asshole sports used to laugh at him and now he had a reason to laugh at one of them. That made the school day a bit more bearable for him.

When Tom came home he was all alone. He faintly remembered his mother saying that she’d be at work until late night and Kari was probably at a friends’ house. His father was never at home these days anyways.

Usually he enjoyed the silence of being alone in the big house, but lately it made him feel lost. Like he was all alone in this wide world. He needed a distraction.

He walked up to his room to find the clothes Mark borrowed him spread across his bed. An idea made it’s way into his head and Tom knew what he could do to distract himself.

The tall boy quickly changed into some of his own clothes, because he was of course still wearing some of Mark. He looked for a bag and stuffed the 2 outfits into it.

After rushing down the stairs he grabbed his skateboard in the hall and hit the road, off to Mark’s house.

On the way down the street he was already excited to see Mark again. This excitement sometimes took over and he felt a bit dizzy then, but it happened too often for Tom to worry anymore.

When he rang the door bell, not Mark himself but his mother opened.

“Oh, hello Tom, nice to see you! Mark is upstairs in his room. He has company over. Just go, I’m sure he won’t mind.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Hoppus” Tom gave her a smile and slipped through the door.

Too bad that Mrs. Hoppus didn’t tell him that the company Mark was having was Josie. He already heard the yells when he took the first step on the stairs. Unsure if he should still go on, he hesitated for a second and stopped but decided to go upstairs shortly afterwards.

With each step the yelling got louder. Tom wondered why Mark’s mom let him go upstairs. Either way she had to be deaf not hearing the yelling or just not caring about it.

“What do you mean with it’s over?” Tom could hear the squealing of Josie through the door. Even Mark’s calm voice was possible to understand after Tom stepped closer to the door of Mark’s room.

Tom always wondered how calm in every situation Mark could stay. It seemed impossible for Tom, he could just barely control his feelings most of the time.

“I’m sorry Josie, it’s just…” Mark started but soon got interrupted.

“What is it, Mark, tell me! Tell me what is going wrong? Don’t I look attractive enough? Am I not sexy enough for you or what?” Her voice rose with every single word and it sounded like she was spitting them out. Tom wouldn’t want to be in Mark’s situation right now and felt a bit guilty listening to the private conversation but since Josie was fucking loud anyway he washed away the worries.

“Gosh, Josie! Do you ever think about something else than the looks? Really, we fell in love by the side of the road. Back then I thought you were perfect. You seemed so sweet at the start but the start’s all wrong. Even the fucking start is all fucking wrong, okay? Soon I realized that you only care about fame and fortune and watching others tortured. I can’t stand how you bully all the little kids out there who don’t look as good as you do.”

“But, Mark. I love you with all my heart!”

“No, you don’t! You say you speak from your heart but your hearts all gone. Nothing is left from the nice and caring girl I once met, okay?”

“Fuck you, Mark.” Josie hisses and Tom had problems to understand the next words so he decided to place his ear on the door and carefully listened.

“But you know what, I know your fucking little secret. And I will fucking tell everybody in school. Do you hear that?” ‘That is going to be interesting…’ Tom thought.

Mark seemed confused and obviously didn’t know what Josie was talking about.

“What do you mean with “your fucking little secret”? I have no fucking ide-“ but Josie cut him off.

“Do you remember the time we fucked? Don’t fucking believe I didn’t hear what you where moaning! You moaned his name! Do you like younger _boys_ , would you like to fuck them, huh? I fucking heard it, Mark, you were moaning _his_ fucking name!” Mark tried to cut her off but she continued, her voice filled with rage.

“Go and fuck your little friend, Mark! You fucking faggot, admit it, you are fucking gay for him! I bet you can’t wait to suck him off, for fucks sake.”

Tom was shocked. What did he just hear? Who was Josie talking about?

“Jos-“ Mark tried to get a chance to speak but it seemed like the anger bursted out of Josie because she just ignored him and kept on spitting out the words at him.

“Shut the fuck up, Mark! You do know who and what I am talking about. Don’t even try to pretend!”

“What the fuck, Josie?”

“I clearly heard his name Mark. I always thought you both had a weird relationship but that made it fucking clear. I don’t know if you love him, but you sure want to fuck him. You want to fuck _Tom DeLonge_.”

Tom’s breathing stopped. His jaw dropped and he slowly departed his ear from the door.

_‘What the fuck?’_


	6. Wishing Well

_‘What the fuck?’_

What did Josie just say? The bag slipped through his fingers and landed on the ground. He couldn’t move, his complete body was frozen. He couldn’t even close his mouth again so he just stood there, mouth open and thoughts racing through his head. ‘This is not real. This is not fucking real. This is a dream. Not real, okay.’ Tom tried to calm himself down because even the thought of the words made him get really excited. The whole conversation had confused him like a lot. It caught him off guard when Josie had said his name.

Suddenly the door busted open and Josie stepped out. Well, she was more like running out of the room but when she saw Tom she immediately stopped. Now Tom could see how angry she really was. Her whole face was distorted with rage when she started screaming hysterically, gesturing to the door of Mark’s room. “Ah, Great! I hope you fucking heard everything! Just go in there you little fucker! I hope you both burn in hell, did you hear that, Mark? BURN IN FUCKING HELL!” And with those words she stormed downstairs and Tom could hear the front door slam just a few seconds later.

After all the yelling came the silence. The young boy slowly awakened out of his trance and turned his head to find Mark standing in the door. Even through the distance Tom could see the fear in his eyes, those beautiful & honest eyes.

 

“Tom” Mark finally broke the silence. He just stood there like nothing happened, his face motionless but his eyes were showing a broad range of emotions. But most of all Tom could see the fear, deeply fixed in those bright blue eyes.

“Since Josie was basically screaming, you’ve heard _everything_?” Mark’s eyes rested on Tom, quietly waiting for an answer but Tom was still too confused to let the words speak for him so he just nodded. Nothing made sense to him right now.

“I guess we need to talk then.” The older boys sounded scared. Tom couldn’t stand it to see him like that so he pulled himself together as good as possible and stepped in the familiar room.

Mark closed the door behind them. He didn’t want to be interrupted right now. The smaller boy offered Tom to sit on his bed but he didn’t make an effort to sit down himself. He just kept on walking up and down the room until Tom couldn’t hold it back anymore.

“Mark, sit the fuck down. You’re making me nervous!”

Mark’s face turned from concerned into scared and he stared at Tom for a while and just stood there like in the middle in the room. ‘He looks so lost, he looks so helpless..’ Tom thought and felt sorry for his best friend and he just wanted to say that Mark didn’t need to worry what Tom would think when the older boy started talking.

“Since you heard everything… God, why is this so fucking hard?” Mark turned around grabbed something from his desk and smashed it against the wall. Tom’s jaw almost dropped again, he had never seen such an outburst of emotion from Mark. He was kinda shattered but Mark seemed to regain his composure again quickly.

“I’ll try again. God, I haven’t been this scared in a long time, and I’m so unprepared, this shouldn’t have been out like that… Can you figure me out? Well, Tom since you probably figured it out already…If I don’t let it out in a short time I’m gonna pop so better duck and cover. I wanted to do that like a long time ago but every time I start to panic.” A little smile flashed over his face for a second as he continued speaking.” I like you. And by ‘I like you’ I mean I like you like a whole fucking lot. Here, you have it, it’s out. Laugh at me. It’s not like I’m gay, I like girls, really, but it’s just… Every time I’m with you everything seems less shitty. I mean you know, I’m 20, I don’t have a great job, I don’t see anything great coming soon but when I’m with you I forget about it. This world’s an ugly place, but you’re so beautiful to me.”

Tom was stunning. The words hit him like bombs exploding. They brushed over his face into his ear like a warm summer breeze.‘ _I like you_. _This world’s an ugly place but you’re so beautiful to me.’_

An extreme feeling of happiness started building up inside him, he actually started shaking a little but Mark didn’t notice it since he still looked like a little child waiting for his punishment after a dumb mistake. Since Tom didn’t answer him immediately his face turned into some kind of a hurt expression, like his soul was in pure pain.

“I’m sorry Tom, I didn’t want to bother you, really, if you want to go, you can, you know the way.” Marks voice got quieter with every word and he stared at the floor his whole position made him look weak and lost, his shoulders hanging and eyes straight onto the ground.

Tom slowly lifted himself up from the bed and took a few steps. Marks eyes grew wide as he saw the tall boy moving, obviously expecting him to leave him forever.

But instead Tom walked up to Mark and stopped only a few centimeters in front of him. Marks hot breath brushed over Toms face as he looked Mark in the eyes and finally found the words he always wanted to tell him.

“Never ever apologize to me again for loving me Mark. Did you hear that? Never fucking apologize to me about that again. Place your hand in mine.” - And Tom took both Mark’s hands -“I’ll leave when I wanna. And right now, I don’t want to.”

And with those words Tom leaned in and their lips finally met.

Mark’s eyes were opened wide in surprise but after a moment he slowly closed them and smiled a little and Tom couldn’t stop himself from following the lines of Marks jaw with his fingers. The kiss didn’t last that long but still long enough to share all the hidden feelings, all this desire that had been waiting for a long time in both of them to just burst out one day.

When their lips parted Tom placed his hands on the still bright smile on Marks face and traced the lines. The touch gave the older boy goosebumps and just made him smile brighter.

Tom couldn’t resist the beauty in front of him and pressed his lips onto Marks again. This time the kiss lasted longer, it was a passionate and deep one. Without resisting the older boy let himself got led onto the bed where they both lay down, side to side and faces turned to each other, still having their lips locked.

“I knew it.” The dry voice of Anne standing in the door frame made the boys startle. Mark sat up immediately and found his sister staring at them with a huge grin on her face. They got caught like a little kid stealing. This time it was Marks turn to blush like a teenage girl and Tom just thought that it was unbelievable cute and couldn’t hold back a giggle. Marks deep red face turned around and gave him a short light angry stare but quickly switched to Anne again.

“I knew it.” She repeated.

“Anne… Please don’t tell mom. Please.” Marks was basically begging her. Since Anne wasn’t a bad person she hadn’t even thought about telling anyone anyways. She knew that this would break the strong relationship they had apart and wouldn’t want to risk that. She really loved her brother.

“Maybe…” But actually she really liked to tease him a bit too but when she saw his expression she quickly added “Naw, I’m only joking. It really shocks me that you think I would be capable of doing that, Mark.” Anne made her voice sound offended but it was obvious that she was just joking and her brother let out a sigh. His face relaxed again and he let himself fall down on the bed next to Tom again.

“I’ll leave you guys alone then.” Anne stepped out of the room and closed the door after her but the boys could clearly hear her repeating “I knew it.” over and over while walking away from the room.

“Your sister can be an annoying little fuck, did you know that?” Tom chuckled and Mark laughed a little.

“Next time we’ll go over to your house.” Mark rolled over to look at Tom again and caught the tall boy smiling at him. He softly pulled him into a hug but that hug ended up in making out on Marks big bed.

Somehow Tom ended up lying above the smaller boy and longingly attacked his lips. This whole situation somehow made Tom a little bit too excited and a little bulge began to grow inside his pants.

Packed by desire he grabbed Marks one of Mark’s hands and slowly placed it on his crotch, starting to move it over the fabric of his pants.

When Tom let out a soft moan, Mark’s movements froze and he suddenly looked stressed. He quickly removed his hands and sat up promptly. Tom almost fell out of the bed but he could manage to keep the balance and sat up again to face the older boy.

“What the fuck, Mark?” Tom sounded hurt and Mark felt sorry for him. But everything was just rushing a little, everything was new and nothing he had ever experienced, being together with a _boy_.

“I’m sorry Tom, I just felt like rushing into things. Not that I wouldn’t want to but, I don’t know, let’s wait with these kind of things a little?” Mark’s honest words hurt him.

It was like he reached for a shooting star but it burned a hole through his hand. He just wanted to enjoy the time with Mark but somehow it ended up being too much for the other boy and Tom stood up from the bed. Mark looked at him again, sorrow all over his face. “I’m sorry, Tom.” He said again.

“Uh. I think I need to go now. My parents…” Tom searched for an excuse and tried to hide his frustration. “My parents… My mother is probably worrying about where I am. I haven’t been at home like since yesterday. You know.” Tom quickly turned around and took a few steps into the direction of the door but Mark had gotten up himself and grabbed him from behind. The strong arms around Tom’s waist made him relax a bit but he still felt sore about Mark’s words. He just couldn’t forget that short spark of shock in Marks eyes when he had realized what they were doing. Nonetheless Tom felt secure in those arms and he didn’t have to leave Mark.

However, he slipped through the tight grip of the older boy and placed a short peck on his lovers lips and whispered a short “I’m sorry” and stepped out of the room, grabbing his back up from the floor which he had dropped when he had heard Josie’s and Mark’s conversation. The borrowed clothes came back into his mind but Tom decided to give them back to Mark later since he thought the situation had been kind of awkward. That’s why he slipped the full bag over his shoulder and headed towards the stairs but couldn’t resist turning around again to see Mark leaning in the doorframe.

“I’ll pick you up at school tomorrow, okay?” Mark felt guilty. Did he say it too loud, a bit harsh? Or misleading? He didn’t want to make Tom feel bad.

Tom didn’t even need to think about an answer, he just answered “Okay” gave Mark a smile and finally made his way down the stairs.

 

On the whole way home Tom couldn’t decide whether to feel happy or frustrated. He was unbelievably relieved that Mark felt the same. It was like he went to a wishing well and got everything he had asked for and almost more. When he came over to Marks house to bring him the clothes, who would have expected that when he came home he would be in some kind of relationship with Mark? ‘Wait. Are we dating now or what…?’ Tom didn’t know. ‘I’ll ask Mark tomorrow. _Maybe I’ll ask him out_.’

It was kind of weird how everything had turned out. ‘Love is a pretty much crazy-ass thing’ Tom thought. On one hand Mark’s shock had hurt him but on the other hand he actually thought it was kind of cute. Mark was older than him. ‘Shouldn’t it be more like I’m the scared one?’ He didn’t care actually but the memories from this afternoon made him blush again.

That’s when he reached his house and the first thing he noticed was the big car in the driveway and the color completely disappeared out of his face. He had been gone a long time but now he was back.

His father was at home.


	7. Kaleidoscope

His father was at home.

A feeling of anxiety tried to grow inside him and slowly made it’s way to his heart. Tom hadn’t been this scared in a long time. His father hadn’t been at home for a longer time now and Tom didn’t know what to expect. It wasn’t Tom’s favourite topic to talk about either, he usually avoided it. That man brought him into life (well it was his mother , but you know) but in his life itself he was only taking. He had taken everything Tom had loved about his family, he had taken their ability to live together.

It’s not like Tom’s parents were divorced but he knew it was just a matter of time before his family would break in pieces forever.

Once he had thought that it was his fault. That was when he got kicked out of high school and his parents had a big fight with him about that. At this time he saw himself as a complete failure. He still kind of believed that it was kinda his fault what was happening, even if Mark always tried to convince him that was wrong. Actually Mark knew what he was talking about. He had lived in a familiar situation before, his father moved out when he was younger. He didn’t like to talk about it either but Tom knew he missed him. That’s probably one of the reasons why they got along so well, they shared so many things.

And now that man who brought so much pain over his own family was back.

Tom wished he had never left Marks home. He already missed the presence of the older boy, it made him feel safe. But now he wasn’t save anymore, he was just a 16 year old boy standing alone in the front yard who is too scared to enter his own home. Well, it didn’t really feel like home for him anymore. It’s just didn’t feel _right_.

Right now he had to face this on his own. Nobody came running up by his side, there was no help here.

Slowly placing his steps, like he could step on a bomb anytime, he made his way to the front door. When he was standing on the front porch he could already hear the yelling. Tom knew that sound of his father’s voice, he had heard it enough before: He was completely drunk. Tom’s fear got bigger with every second he was standing there. He couldn’t brace up to open the door. The hand which was holding the keys was shaking.

Suddenly the door got teared open and someone bumped right into him. The surprised boy stumbled a few steps backwards and almost fell. Still gathering his balance again he looked up to face the person who just stepped out of the house.

And there he was. The familiar face of his father was right there, a few steps away but it still seemed so far for Tom. Like the anger and pain had brought miles between them.

“Hey Dad.”

The older man was just looking at him. He looked bad. The alcohol left it’s bruises and the life without his caring wife just made him look tired and sick. He looked so sick and a lot older than the last time Tom saw him.

“Tom.” Finally his father was speaking to him. Tom was still scared, a lot actually, but it was still his father, he still wanted his love and attention, he still wanted that he was thinking about him.

But before one of them could say something else Tom’s mother was screaming at the broken man in front of Tom.

“Leave this property immediately! You made enough of a mess today!” She was crying. The tears were streaming down her face and she sobbed heavily while saying those words. Tom couldn’t stand seeing his mother like that. She didn’t deserve that. Since forever she had been a good wife to his father and a good mother to Kari, Shon and him. She didn’t fucking deserve that.

“Leave.” The whispered words left his mouth before he could think of the consequence. It wasn’t easy for Tom to say that, he had never spoken up to his father before and it had taken a lot of courage, but the look on his mothers face was unbearable and he had felt the urge to protect her.

Tom’s father hadn’t dropped his gaze at him. He was standing there like the words weren’t meant for him. But his son could see the change in his eyes. Next to the burning anger that was deeply rooted was appearing something else, something Tom had never seen in his father’s eyes before: deep sadness and fear filled them.

“I’m never going to come back home.”

The words hit Tom. It was over. Everything was over. The day had come and his family was breaking apart. The process started a long time ago but today it ended. Everything had ended.

“I’m sorry, Tom.” The old man looked like he was about to say something else but not another single word escaped his mouth and he just simply turned around and started walking away from his old home, the place that used to be his home. But now it wasn’t anything like that anymore. It was just another house in a big city with another broken and hurt family inside.

Tom watched him walking away and getting into the car. He didn’t move, he didn’t try to follow him and beg him to come back because he knew it wouldn’t make sense.

His head was filled with memories. Pictures of his early childhood rushed through his mind and one sentence was repeated inside his head on and on “ _I’m sorry, Tom”_

And Tom believed it. He really believed his father was sorry. At least kind of sorry. It was his fault and he made the mistakes but Tom didn’t believe he planned that. It just happened. He was angry, of course, but in a sad way. His eyes started to burn but he tried to be strong and hold back the tears. He wanted to be strong for his family, he felt like he needed to be.

“Tom…”

His mom’s voice found its way to his ears and he just noticed that actually she was talking to him.

“Come inside, Tom, come here…”

His legs automatically started moving and he stepped into the house. The silence after all the yelling seems unbelievable. His mother was just standing there in the middle of the hall, with all the family pictures of moments they had shared as a family, there was one of his 5th birthday and then there was one of the first day Kari had went to school, and right under that was a proud Shon looking into the camera on the day when he got his driver’s license. And on the left side, in the middle of all other pictures was the photo of his parents wedding. He couldn’t bare looking at it any longer than for a second and that’s when the tears started rolling down his cheeks. It was just too much for a 16 year old boy who just lost everything.

Tom felt the arms of his mother wrapping around him and now he really cried. He cried into his mothers shoulder and just let out everything he had inside.

He hadn’t been that close to his mother for a long time but now he realized he needed it. He just needed the strong woman in his life, the woman who had gone through so much pain already. But she wasn’t crying anymore, there were no more tears left.

After a while Tom started to calm down a little. He was still upset but he wasn’t crying that hard anymore. Slowly his mother stepped away from him and placed her hand on his cheek and looked him right into the eyes.

“We’re going to make it through that, I promise you that.”

And the look in her eyes let him know that she was right. They still had each other, Kari, Shon, her and Tom himself.

“I know.” He tried to smile but it failed. His mother gave him a sad look and let go of his cheek.

“Let’s go and make some hot chocolate.”

 

When Tom had sat down in the kitchen and his mother had made some hot chocolate he finally felt a better. The warm liquid filled his mouth with its sweet taste and the heat made him feel kind of comfortable.

For a while, both of them remained quiet. His mother seemed to enjoy the silence. This house has had enough of yelling for one day.

“Where is Kari?” Tom wanted to know. He knew his little sister. This time their mom couldn’t tell her a poor attempt of an excuse when she was going to ask when dad was coming home again. This time she couldn’t run.

“She’s over at a friend’s house. I’m glad she hasn’t had to hear the fight. It was horrible…” Staring into her cup of hot chocolate his mother continued speaking.

“He was drunk. You know he gets a lot angrier when he’s drunk. He wanted to get some clothes of him, but I gave him to options. The first option was, that he pulls himself together and stays. The second was, that he takes his things and never comes back. And you know what he chose.”

Tom gulped. It was weird. His mother never had been that open too him, and that made him feel honored.

_‘And you know what he chose…’_

“Uh, I’m… I’m sorry mom, but… but I’ll go upstairs now.”

Suddenly Tom felt really sick. So much has happened today, it was making him tired. The chaos in his head didn’t decrease and Tom needed some time to sort that out.

His mother raised her head and looked at him. Her son had already stood up and was about to go upstairs. He gave her a half-hearted smile and escaped into his room.

 

So much had changed today. He had found out that Mark felt the same way like he did and that his father didn’t feel anything for his wife anymore.

The stressed boy laid down on his bed and stared up to the ceiling. Downstairs he heard the door open. It was quiet for about 10 minutes. But then someone was coming up the stairs, actually the person was running. He heard the door of Kari’s room smash into the doorframe and the crying through the wall of his room.

His mother had told Kari what happened.

Tom couldn’t decide to whether stay at his room and leaving Kari alone or trying to calm her down. Since they had the same problem he decided to go over to his sisters room, they had helped each other a lot before too.

Carefully he opened the door of his little sister’s room. There she was, sitting at her desk and resting her head in her hands.

“Kari…” Tom said quietly. The girl looked up and saw him standing there. And then she just started crying harder. Her older brother hurried up to her and kneeled down next to her to look her in the eyes.

“Hey Kari, listen to me… Please, don’t cry. We need to be strong now. I was there when he left today, Kari, he said he was sorry…” Tom tried to calm her down a little but his words just made her furious

“Yeah? He said he is sorry? If he was sorry, he would be here right know with us and not somewhere else!” She stared at Tom angrily but after a few seconds her look got softer.

“I’m sorry Tom, I didn’t mean to yell at you, it’s not your fault.”

Was everybody saying he was sorry to him now? He felt bad because of it. He was here to make Kari feel better and not guilty.

“Hey, it’s okay, it really is. And you know what? We’re going to make it through. One day, we’ll show him what he missed out, one day he will really regret it, one day, when I’m famous with blink and you have a super awesome job and children and everything… Everything’s gonna be fine.”

Kari smiled a little. She thought it was cute how Tom tried to make her feel better and he kind of managed to do it. At least he distracted her a bit. She knew he really believed that he was going to be famous one day. It was his dream and somehow she believed in it too.

“Yeah, one day…”

The rest of the time the two siblings talked about how everything is going to be better in the future and what they want to achieve, but after about 2 hours it was actually getting really late. Tom could barely keep his eyes open and actually considered lying down in Kari’s bed and just sleeping there but he still had enough self control to say ‘Good Night and Sweet Dreams’ to his sister and went into his own room again.

He didn’t know how he did it but he even took out his clothes before laying down on his bed and as soon as he closed his eyes he already had fallen asleep.

_They are in the disco form his first dream. Mark is dancing with him and the kids around him are moving slower like they are in a kind of trance, only Mark and him are moving in a normal speed. Suddenly Mark leans over, just like in the last dream but this time he says something else._

_“Let’s get out of here.”_

_And without waiting for Tom’s answer he takes the surprised boys hand and makes his way through the crowd. As soon as Mark’s hand touches Tom the kids around them start moving normal again._

_The still confused Tom lets himself get led through the club and they finally reach the exit. Mark searches for something in his pockets and takes out a key. The key for his car._

_“I want to show you something.” And again, Mark start walking before Tom has a chance to say something so he just follows him outside. Right in front of the door stands Marks car like it is waiting for them. Like a gentleman the older boy opens the door for Tom before getting in the car_

_During the drive the only sound in the car is the engine and their breathing. When Mark makes an attempt to drive onto the highway and out of town Tom get’s really curious._

_“Where are we going?” he asks but Mark refuses to answer. He just stares out of the front window like Tom hasn’t ever opened his mouth._

_After a while Mark indicated and left the highway behind. There were not any other cars on the road with them now, and it was a long road. A long road through the night._

_The car get’s faster with every minute and soon Tom thinks about asking Mark if he wants to kill them. Not seriously, but he get’s kind of anxious now._

_“Mark…” He starts again but there is no reaction from the other boy._

_“Maaaaark, hey, Mark, umm.” He really is scared now._

_And then he sees the other lights. They break through the darkness and let the street shine bright. But suddenly the street get’s thinner until there is only one lane left. The cars are going to crash now if nothing happens._

_“MARK!” Tom screams now but he still isn’t getting an answer. He reaches over to grab the steering wheel but he realized that he can’t move it._

_The lights of the other car are getting near very fast now._

_There are only a few hundred meters between them._

_“I’m sorry.”_

_Mark’s voice echoed in Tom’s head. I’m sorry. I’m sorry…_

_And then they crash. Everything becomes dark._

_When Tom opens his eyes he isn’t in the car anymore. He is lying outside on the street in complete darkness. He must have flown through the front window. Surprisingly he seems to be healthy and without any broken bones or open wounds. But then he turns around and sees Mark._

_He just lies there, not moving but staring up in the sky._

_“Tom, look at the stars, look how they shine… Tonight, I wanted to show you all those stars out there and how small we are. Look how they shine for you.”_

_And with that Mark closes his eyes._


	8. This Is Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I actually never expected it, but here comes some smut...

His eyes burned when he slowly opened them. Every single memory of yesterday flooded back into his head, filling it with a chaos of emotions, both positive and negative. To sum it up, he had found his love and lost his father.

Lifting himself up Tom rubbed his eyes and sat up in his bed. The annoying sound of the alarm clock was driving him crazy and he had to control himself not to throw it at the wall. It wouldn’t be the first time that he’d do that, he had actually already smashed one of a friend while he was staying over the night and then in the morning it got off and he just kind of lost control and it got kind of awkward. He had actually destroyed like 10 alarm clocks the past 2 years. One could say Tom wasn’t a morning person.

The fact that he was going to see Mark later made him get up out of his bed. Actually that was the only reason because he felt like shit. Even before he had looked in a mirror that he’d look like a total wreck today and he hoped that Mark wouldn’t mind.

Mark. He was always on his mind. That wasn’t a bad thing since it was distracting him for a while.

Completely changed Tom entered the kitchen to find his mother and sister sitting on the table and eating breakfast. He usually didn’t eat breakfast before school but today he felt like it. He hadn’t spend a lot time with his mother or sister and since he had time because he actually got up early and didn’t lie in bed for like another half hour he decided to prepare himself a bowl of cereal and sit down for a while. Kari smiled at him when he placed himself next to her and he gave his lopsided smile back that just seemed to make her smile more. Even if she was smiling she looked exhausted. Her eyes were red and she looked like she didn’t sleep at all. Well, he himself didn’t look any better. Like he had thought he was kinda shocked when he had looked in the mirror to finally face his own exhaustion. The face that was looking back at him had a tired and sad expression, the bags under his eyes were conspicuous.

It was weird sitting on that table and not talking, it was kind of awkward. It would take a long time until everything would get better and he could just hope his mother was stronger than he felt himself, but she was a strong woman and he kind of knew she would make it.

A bigger problem was his sister. He got really worried about her and there wasn’t anything he could do to change that.

Tom sighed and his mother looked up.

“Tom…” she began.

“Huh?” Tom looked up from his bowl of cereal and saw the concerned look on her face.

“Mom, don’t worry, I’m fine.” The 16 year old boy tried to force a smile and quickly looked at his breakfast again.

After that short attempt of a conversation Tom hurried up to empty his bowl and get out of this house of empty hearts and minds. Cause that’s how it felt for Tom, like there was nothing left to say, nothing left in their hearts and minds and so there was nothing left to stay.

His mother was watching him with a thoughtful expression on her face while he was grabbing his bag and started towards the door.

Tom didn’t look back, he didn’t want to see the emptiness, he needed a break.

While walking through the hall he grabbed his skateboard and opened the door. The sun shined bright into his face and he had to close his eyes for a short moment before getting used to the light. The birds were singing and there was a warm breeze blowing right into his face and brushing the hair out of his face. Everything seemed so peaceful and calm which was kind of upsetting Tom. It felt wrong, it felt unreal. It felt like this just happened to make him feel safe and then bring him down again. Just like yesterday when he first got something beautiful but then, just as a friendly reminder that you have to pay for something good, a part of his world broke apart.

Deep in his thoughts he arrived at the tall building that belonged to the Poway High School and still kind of lost in his mind he sat down in his first class. He didn’t really care about what happened in the past because his future, which was way more important to him, didn’t look that great either. The words of his teacher didn’t even reach him and he was just sitting there staring at the board without reading any word. That’s probably how Tom’s school day would have been until it ended, but it was Thursday, so he got music class next. This was the only light that came through the dark clouds in his head. Music was kind of the only subject he really enjoyed. It wasn’t that he was really good at it though, at least not in the historical stuff but he still liked to listen to it, it interested him how people created something that had touched so many people already and still was going to do.

But today they were going to have a bit of practice and that was Tom’s favourite thing ever. His teacher was pretty cool, only about maybe 30 years old. The pupils could choose which instruments they wanted to play and they had time to practice. Since Tom played guitar already he took one from the wall and started playing around. Since Travis and he shared this class they played some songs they knew but something was always missing. Mark’s bass playing was missing. They couldn’t play a song properly with that magic sound.

The time flew by (too quickly, Tom didn’t think he’d ever had said this about school) and the lunch break started. Sometimes he actually stayed a little in the music room and continued playing guitar, because like 2 months ago his teacher offered him to stay if he wanted to. Mr. Baker , that was his name, was like the only teacher that had enough trust in him to allow him something like that and that only mad Tom respect the young man even more. He really liked Mr. Baker, he was a nice guy.

That’s why Tom stayed in the class room on his own that day, playing some melodies on a guitar and humming a few words that may be lyrics someday.

But even the lunch break is over some time, so he had to leave that island of music and rest.

The last 2 hours of his day went by unbelievable slowly and he couldn’t wait for the bell to finally ring. With every minute that passed by he got more jittery. A weird excitement filled him, and he just wanted to get out of this building and be together with Mark again.

But even if he was that excited he was kind of scared too. What if things would be awkward today? What if Mark was just joking yesterday? What if he had scared Mark too much with of his attempt of more than just kissing?

They had never felt awkward in each others presence before and he could just hope that this wasn’t going to change. And he didn’t really believe that Mark joked, because that’d be a fucking sick joke, I mean like, who joked with things like that and Mark wasn’t that kind of person anyway. His biggest fear was the last thing and he just hoped Mark would understand. He was just a stupid boy who had needs. He would understand, he sure would.

So probably Tom was just overreacting, but he couldn’t help it. The fear of being rejected was still there, even if he trusted Mark, he trusted him more than anyone in the whole universe, and the universe was fucking big.

When finally the lesson was over Tom almost stumbled because he tried to get out of the room as fast as possible. He pushed his way through the pupils in the hall and stepped out of the door just to face a smiling Mark who was leaning against his car. He waved at him and Tom immediately waved back, a big smile on his face himself.

As he reached the car they just looked at each other for a moment, still smiling. And suddenly Mark leaned over and whispered something in his ear but immediately stood straight again.

The words where almost impossible to hear, even for Tom, but he understood it.

_“I miss you”_

Mark was so fucking sweet. He was the fucking sweetest ever. Tom’s smile grew wider and he beamed at Mark who just shyly smiled back at him. It was kind of a perfect moment, even with all the people around.

A loud voice broke the magic moment and they got back into reality. Anne was standing in front of them and grinning devilish.

“Oh, did I interrupt you two lovebirds?”

“Shh! Shut up, Anne!” Mark looked around nervously if somebody had heard her words. Seemed like he didn’t want to know anyone yet, but that was okay for Tom. He felt like a whole lot relieved that Mark didn’t joke yesterday. His words convinced him and there weren’t any doubts left anymore.

“Calm down, Mark. Gosh…” And rolled her eyes and opened the back door of Mark’s car. At least she let Tom sit in the front next to his… His boyfriend? Tom didn’t really know if they were going out now, but there was enough time to find out today.

During the drive home it was mostly Anne who was talking and Mark and Tom remained quiet. She didn’t notice that Tom had placed his hand on Mark’s left one which was placed on the clutch, at least she didn’t comment it like everything else.

Tom was glad when they arrived at the Hoppus’ house. He really liked Anne but he wanted some time alone with Mark now.

After they had closed the door of Mark’s room behind them Mark turned around and looked at him with a worried expression.

“You look like shit today.”

“Oh thank you, how lovely.”

“No, seriously. You look like you haven’t slept at all and your eyes… They are are red. Like you had cried…” Mark trailed off and Tom looked down to the floor.

“I uh, I don’t wanna talk about it.” He just hoped Mark would accept that.

“Did I say something wrong?” Mark’s eyes got a little bigger and he was kind of confused. Tom didn’t want that so he tried to explain it without talking about the topic.

“You didn’t do anything wrong. I’ll explain it to you later maybe. It’s just that I could need a little distraction right now. Please.” He looked at Mark, his eyes begging for Mark to not ask anymore questions. He didn’t have a problem with telling Mark what had happened but he just wanted to have a good time now and not get down again. Anyway, the older boy stopped looking that concerned.

“I’ll be your distraction.” And with that Mark leaned over again, but not to whisper something in his ear again but to meet his lips with his own. Every dark thought that had been in his head disappeared in that moment and all Tom felt was pure joy and love.

Only parting their lips for a few centimeters Tom whispered “Are we going to continue doing that or are we going to something productive today? Not that I wouldn’t mind continu-“ but he got interrupt when Mark’s lips crushed on his again. That kiss didn’t last as long as the one before because Mark broke the kiss after a while.

“I really like kissing you, but I actually had some kind of idea of what we could do today…”

Tom gave him a little peck on the lips before asking “Oh yeah, really? And what kind of idea is that?”

Secretly he was hoping Mark would suggest something that had to do with a lot more body and action but Mark destroyed that hope immediately. He didn’t mind though, he loved everything Mark did.

“Uh, you know, I found that hair dye I had bought like a month ago and I thought… I thought you could maybe help me do it? You know how last time had ended?”

Yeah, Tom remembered. Like a half year ago or so, Mark had tried to dye his hair blue. And it was actually more trying than succeeding because he had dyed more of his head and neck than the hair itself. The colour was super rad after the hair dye finally washed away from his skin but Mark had to walk around with some parts of blue skin for a while. He always had laughed it off but Tom knew he felt at least a little embarrassed about it.

Curious as he was he wanted to know what colour it would be this time and Mark just turned around and grabbed a bottle from the desk and held it in front of Tom’s face.

“Purple? Seriously, Marky?”

“You don’t like it?” The older boy looked a little disappointed.

“I do like it! It was just kind of surprising. I mean blue, okay, but purple wasn’t the colour I had expected but yeah, I’m sure it is going to look good on you.” He smiled and imagined Mark with purple hair and really, all he could see was pure sexiness.

“But are you sure you want me to do that? I mean, it’s your _hair_.”

His hair was like the ring to Gollum to Mark.’ Better don’t mess it up, DeLonge’ Tom thought to himself as he nodded and a relieved Mark gave him another kiss before turning around and making his way to the bathroom. Tom followed him just to find Mark preparing everything, right now he was holding a bottle of apple shampoo in his hands, it was his favourite scent.

“So are we going to start now or what?” Tom looked at Mark who was kneeling on the ground next to the bathtub.

“Alright. Should I get a chair or something or is it okay if I sit on the floor?”

“Just stay there, I’m going to put the colour on your head now.” Well, actually opened the package and put on the gloves that were in the package, because he obviously didn’t want to have purple hands later, and opened the package. He took a short look at the instruction and knew what to do. In the bottle was the powder and he had just to put it in the plastic bowl together with some water. After he put the powder together with the exact amount of water he kneeled down so he was in the right position to put the colour on Marks head.

“That’s probably going to feel weird now…” Tom said as he put some of the mash in his hands.

“Just do it.” He heard Mark say and that’s when he started massaging the hair colour into Marks brown hair.

Mark seemed to enjoy it since he had closed his eyes and looked really pleased while Tom’s hands were working on his hair. When all the of the colour was in, it was their turn to wait.

“So, the instruction says it should be about 25-35 minutes for your hair colour.” Tom said as he let himself fall down on his butt next to Mark. He grabbed Mark’s hand and just stayed like that for a while.

“So, there is a party at Scott’s tomorrow, 11.30, you wanna come with me?” Tom broke the silence.

“Are you asking me out for a date, or what?” Mark grinned, leaning himself against the bathtub.

“If want to see it like that, but then you shouldn’t mind me making out with you in public…” he answered, waiting for how Mark would react.

“You’d probably get stress with some guys at school…” the older boy responded but Tom already responded before he could say something else.

“I don’t care.” That’s simply it. He really didn’t care and school couldn’t get worse than it already was. The only thing was bothering him was how his friends would react. Maybe they should keep it a secret a bit longer. Maybe…

“I know you don’t… But maybe I do a little too much. It’s just, all of that here” he squeezed Tom’s hand “is completely new to me, and maybe some people don’t support that kind of relationship between 2 boys. Let’s just take it slow.” The warmth in Mark’s eyes made him melt inside.

“Yeah, I know. Well, if you want to I want to.” He squeezed Mark’s hand back.

“But you’re coming with me, don’t you?” Tom asked, but he already knew the answer, he just wanted to be sure.

“Of course” Mark responded.

“So, we’re kinda going out now?” Tom had a lot of questions today. There was so much he wasn’t sure about and he needed answers.

“Yeah, I guess… You’re my _boyfriend_ then, huh?” The soon to be purple haired boy let out a laugh and Tom joined.

“I actually thought about that earlier, too. Sounds kinda weird, doesn’t it?” Tom admitted.

“Yeah, kinda. But I think it’s sounds cute too…” Mark smiled at him again and Tom couldn’t help but giggle.

“That’s like so fucking tacky, dude.” Tom was really laughing now.

“No, that’s fucking _gay_ , man.” Mark snorted with laughter.

“Oh yeah, _Mr. Purple-Hairs_? If that isn’t gay what is it?”

“It’s totally punk rock, okay?” Mark tried to look serious but couldn’t help and just laughed louder.

“As punk rock as you sucking off your dad” Tom gave back.

It felt like they were laughing for an eternity when they got a little calmer. Still grinning like an idiot Mark took a look at the clock and found out that it was probably time to get that colour washed away from his head.

“Please don’t make the water to hot, Tommy, my head is sensitive…” Mark looked up to Tom and the younger boy shook his head in disbelief.

“So you think I’m going to wash your hair too?”

“Yeah, actually I thought that.” Mark shrugged and looked at him begging. “Pleeeaaase”

“Okay. Only this time, I’m not a motherfucking hair dresser okay, Marky. But, let’s wash that shit away.”

When the first drops fell down on Mark’s head the older boy winced.

“I said not to make it too hot, Tom.”

“You’re such a girl” mentioned but still he turned the water a bit colder. Only the best for his Mark.

“Hmmm. A lot better.” He heard Mark’s voice and continued to wash off the rest of the hair dye. Even if Mark’s hair was a lot darker wet he could see that he succeeded. The colour was already shining bright and he was kinda proud that he did it. He grabbed the bottle of apple shampoo that was standing on the floor and popped it up. The smell of fresh apples instantly filled the room and Tom took a deep breath to inhale the scent.

He squished something out of the bottle and start massaging it into Mark’s now purple hair.

Soon it started to foam up and started getting a little purple, only because it washed away the last particles of hair dye.

While Tom was working on Mark’s hair there was a comfortable silence. The young boy had had a lot of silence the past few days, and some of them hadn’t been comfortable at all, but right now he enjoyed it, it was really soothing to just hear both of their breaths and the sound of his hands sliding through the foam. He felt safe.

 _“This is home.”_ He mumbled. He stopped working on Mark for a second. Mark turned his head around to look at him.

“What?”

“This is home.” Tom said louder now. “This feels like home. It just feels right, you know?”

“It feels right to wash my hair?” Mark looked a little confused but in Tom’s opinion that was just cute.

“Everything here feels like home. Being together with you feels like home. It makes me forget everything bad and just lets me feel good. It’s your presence that makes me feel like that, I guess.”

They looked each other deep in the eye. Somehow the words escaped his mouth while he was getting lost in Marks eyes.

“I love you.” He smiled while still looking Mark deep in the eye just to find the other boy smiling too.

“I love you.” Mark’s words made him melt again. He didn’t even knew that some words could make him feel like that, just 3 simple words. He was sure he was never going to forget this moment when Mark said “I love you” to him for the first time, both of them in the bathroom while Tom was washing his hair. That might sound weird, but Tom couldn’t imagine something more perfect.

Tom leaned down to give Mark a deep kiss and started to massage the older boys head again. A little moan escaped Marks mouth and the sound of it made Tom shudder. He seriously needed some more action later…

They separated their lips and Tom completely concentrated on Mark’s hair again. Since he was actually foaming it up for like 10 minutes it was time to wash the shampoo out.

Carefully he tried to find just the right temperature for Mark and when he was content with it he started washing away the apple scented foam. When everything was gone he wrapped a towel around Marks head and helped Mark to get up by giving him a hand.

As both boys were standing Mark gave him a short peck on the lips. “Thank you.”

“Just dry your fucking hair, okay, I want to know how it looks like.” Tom complained and he really was excited. He couldn’t wait to see Mark with the new colour.

“God, calm down. Wait a moment.” Mark started rubbing the towel over his wet hair for a while and then, finally, he let it fall to the ground.

Tom’s jaw dropped.

Mark looked so fucking sexy.

He looked so fucking sexy that Tom was actually wondering that he could resist undressing him.

The purple really suited him.

“What, do I look that ugly?” Mark laughed and turned around to look at himself in the bath mirror. A smile crept on his face.

“I’m such a handsome guy.” He laughed and Tom just nodded. He didn’t know what else to say since his only thoughts left seemed to contain a naked purple haired Mark and himself.

There weren’t any words he could say so he let his lips speak by kissing Mark roughly. He pressed himself against the smaller boy and Mark opened his mouth and welcomed Tom’s tongue. Playing their tongues at each other Mark wrapped his arms around him and now Tom couldn’t resist to grab Marks butt and squeeze it softly. As his reaction Mark giggled against Tom’s lips and suddenly started nibbling on it. Tom squeezed his butt again and Mark started biting his lip a bit harder, but not that it’d hurt, it was just turning on Tom so much. He couldn’t help but whimper a little and released Mark’s butt just to trail his fingers down the other boys chest until they reached his pants. Mark let go of his lips and whispered into Tom’s ear: “Not here.”

That’s when Tom realized they were still in the bathroom and any second some family member of Mark could walk in to go to the toilet or something like that but instead he would find them making out.

Mark grabbed Tom’s hand and pulled him into his room and Mark shoved him onto the big bed.

Tom was hard by now and also in Mark’s pants was a bulge. But still, there were those thoughts in the back of Tom’s mind and he needed to ask Mark something before continuing.

“Do you want it this time?” His brown eyes were full of fear that Mark would reject him again.

“Hell yes.” Those words were enough for Tom and he gently started rubbing Mark’s hard on through his pants and Mark seemed to enjoy it a lot since he let out a loud moan.

“Oh god, Tom.” Hearing Mark saying his name like that just made him get harder than he already was and he grabbed Mark’s hand, just like yesterday, but this time the older boy didn’t take it away. The touch of Mark’s hands make Tom shiver and when Mark slowly unzipped the younger boys pants Tom’s hips bucked up into Mark’s hand and the electric feeling of the friction shot through his veins right through his already hard dick.

“Mark. Please.” He moaned, desperate for the other boys touch.

Too bad for Tom that Mark liked teasing.

He let go of Tom’s pants and sat up on the bed slowly stripping of his shirt, embracing his chest.

“You’re not going to strip for me, Hoppus, are you?” Tom asked breathlessly, panting heavy.

“I already am.” Mark’s seductive voice made him shiver again.

Mark continued to take off his clothes, now the pants. He stood up and so he could stand right in front of the bed and slowly let them slide down his legs until he was only wearing boxers and socks. The socks were easily removed and Tom’s attention was settled on Mark’s lower body.

The older boy slowly slid his hands in his own pants and started stroking himself.

No he wasn’t just stripping but jerking off right in front of Tom. For Tom. The young boy on the bed was so desperate for touch now he started jerking off himself too. Mark noticed and grinned.

“Oh no, Tom, that’s not how it works… Put your hands away there or I’m going to get dressed again” and when Tom heard this he winced.

“But…” He started but Mark interrupted him.

“No buts… Even if your butt is fucking sexy.” Mark was making Tom crazy, but he actually let go of is dick, even if he wanted the friction again only seconds later.

“Now…” Mark said and finally slid down his boxers. Completely naked with a raging hard-on he continued stroking himself for a moment before letting go of his dick and looking Tom directly in the eyes. Slowly he made his way onto the bed again and started taking off Tom’s shirt now, careful not to touch Tom’s crotch. He threw the shirt onto the ground and placed his finger on the young boys chest, trailing down until he reached his pants. And finally he took them off. At the touch of Mark’s hot hands he moaned loudly but quickly helped Mark to take of his pants, so Mark could throw them next to the shirt onto the floor. The only thing in their way were Tom’s boxers now. Teasingly slowly Mark let them brush over Tom’s dick and finally slide down his legs.

Tom would have never thought that one day he’d end up with Mark in a bed completely naked, but his thoughts got distracted when Mark started sliding a finger his length up and down. “Ugh Mark, more…” Tom begged and Mark finally gave in and stopped the teasing. He wrapped his hand around Tom’s cock, sliding up and down changing the tempo everytime Tom let out a loud moan. Now and then he rubbed the head and Tom almost screamed. He was close to coming, and Mark knew it too, so he started pumping Tom faster and faster now, and sometimes he rubbed the slit with his finger. With every stroke Tom’s breathing became heavier and heavier. He ran his fingers through Mark’s hair, the purple colour in contrast to his light skin and the smell of apple shampoo flooded into his nose again.

“M-Mark. I I’m going to co-“ He tried to say as his whole body tensed up when the touch of Marks fingers on his dicks head sent him over the edge and he came right into Mark’s hands, who was still stroking him until he had completely finished. The older boy started licking the sticky cum from his fingers and if Tom wouldn’t have just come he sure would come again at this side.

“You taste so good Tom” Mark whispered and when Tom’s breathing got a little more regular again he started returning the favor to Mark. The older boys face was almost making him hard again while he was stroking him and touching him, and the moans he let out were just like heaven should sound. Tom couldn’t get enough of Mark’s face when the older boy came, releasing himself into Tom’s hands.

Exhausted, Mark sank next to Tom onto the bed sheets to catch his breath again. He turned his head a little to look at Tom’s naked body and he had to smile again.

And Tom knew he had been right when he had said this earlier.

_This is home_

Tom didn’t want to go home, and he felt really bad to leave Mark after that.

About one hour after lying naked on Mark’s bed and cuddling he had decided not to stay at Mark’s house tonight. He kind of felt responsible for his sister, and he needed to know how she was doing.

That’s why he was now standing on the front porch of Mark’s house, about to go.

“So, we should do that more often.” Mark winked at him and Tom grinned. He still couldn’t get the images of naked Mark out of his head, and he didn’t want to anyway.

“Definitely.” He said, but then he remembered something. “Uh, so are you going to pick me up tomorrow for the party then?”

“11.30, right?”

Tom nodded and hugged Mark a last time, since they probably shouldn’t kiss in public. He actually didn’t want to let go of Mark, but somehow he managed to do it and took a few steps backwards, waving at the purple haired boy a last time.

He drove down the street on his skateboard remembering every single moment of today’s experience. Sure Tom has had sex before, but that thing today was the best he had ever had, mostly because it was Mark who was doing it with him. He probably grinned like a retard but he didn’t care. He was glad he was in a good mood again, even if had reached the house he was living in.

When he opened the door there was silence.

“Mom, I’m back home.” He said, stepping into the hall.

“Okay, Thomas, do you want something to eat? I cooked dinner.” Oh okay, let’s pretend and play perfect family. Tom decided to play along.

“Yeah, thank you.”

In the kitchen waited a plate with steak and potatoes and suddenly he noticed how hungry he was. Making out and jerking each other off seemed make a hell lot hungry.

While he was eating his mom was working around in the kitchen and they had a bit of small talk. It was still kind of awkward and Tom was relieved when he finished eating and went upstairs.

Before stepping in his own room, he knocked at Kari’s door first.

He stepped in after she had allowed him to and sat down on her bed.

“How are you doing?”

She gave him a weird look and sat down next to him.

“I’m okay I guess. I’ve had better times though” She tried to laugh but her brother knew it was faked.

“Shall I stay with you for a while like yesterday, maybe?” He asked her, smiling warmly.

“That’d be great, I guess…”

 

The rest of the evening Tom spent his time talking with his sister again and somehow he managed to give her some of his cheerfulness. It was actually really late again when he decided to go over to his room, because his eyes were actually starting to hurt because he was really tired by now.

Before laying down onto his bed he took a short shower and brushed his teeth but then the tiredness actually overwhelmed him and he laid down and fell fast asleep

And in this night, even if he wasn’t sleeping next to Mark, he didn’t dream bad.


	9. MH.4.18.2011

Tom was standing in the bathroom staring at his reflection in the mirror. He still didn’t know what he was actually going to do, all he knew was that he wanted to look good for the party later.

 

The first half of his day wasn’t really spectacular. School was boring as always and Tom wanted it to go by as fast as possible. Without Travis he probably wouldn’t survive it every day. He really wished Mark would still go to school but since he was 20 that was just a dream.

He was alone at home, his mom was working and his sister was probably at a friend’s house or something like that.

Actually his brother Shon had showed up earlier that day to take a quick look at what was going on at home but when Tom told him that nobody except him was at home he soon left Tom alone again and went into town, promising to come back again later when their mother would have come home from work.

Shon and Tom had never got along that well. There had always been that rivalry between them. The competition of who would be the better son, the competition of who would impress the parents more. Well, Tom had always seen himself as the loser in that game. Shon was the perfect son, he got good grades and went to college and all Tom did was going to school because he needed to and dreamt of becoming famous with his band. When the older brother had left the house to go away to college Tom thought it’d be his chance to get a little more attention. Well, he actually got a lot of attention from his parents, it was just not that kind of positive attention. He used to ditch school almost every single day and partied a lot but then he decided to change something about that. He didn’t want to be a failure anymore.

 

And he didn’t want to look ugly. To be correct, he didn’t really thought he was ugly, he just thought he wasn’t handsome enough for Mark. That’s why he was standing in the bathroom in front of a big mirror and looking skeptically at the image of himself. Did he really deserve Mark?

He moved a little closer to the mirror and his nose was almost touching the cold shiny surface. He scanned his face in the mirror, observing it inch by inch.

He didn’t have the best skin but it was okay. Still, it made him feel a bit insecure about himself. He remembered when he used to laugh at this girl in 8th grade who had acne and suddenly he felt really bad about it. Right now he knew how she must have felt and he wished he hadn’t laughed at her. Whenever he’d see her again he promised himself he was going to apologize to her and he really meant it.

Next thing to complain about was his hair. He used to had it bleached blonde but it had already grown out and now there were only his naturally brown hairs left. He couldn’t define the colour, it wasn’t dark brown nor light brown, it was this middle thing nobody could really describe. It wasn’t long and it didn’t even fall down into his face or anything like that, it usually stuck around in the air and Tom didn’t know what to do about it.

Well, and then there was his nose. In Tom’s opinion it was really big but he thought it matched to his lips. And his lips were probably the only thing he really about his face , together with his eyes. The deep brown of his eyes was the thing he liked the most about his face. But in comparison to Mark’s beautifully gorgeous eyes and their greyish blue stare… Tom could look into them all day.

And that’s why he wanted to look good for Mark because Mark looked good for him, that’s simply it.

Tom turned away from the mirror and looked around the room, searching for something.

‘There has to be some gel here, right?’ he looked through some drawers but all he could find was some hairspray that smelled like a field of flowers. With a skeptic look he stared at the spray in his hands and didn’t really know what to do with it. In the end he sprayed a bit into his hair and tried to make it look a bit less messy. He kind of succeeded since he didn’t look like he just got up anymore and he was okay with how he looked right now. He still wasn’t that happy about it but honestly, he couldn’t change anything about it, right?

Next thing to do was choosing what to wear.

When he stepped into his room he heard the door open downstairs and his mother yelling that she was at home now. Tom glanced at the clock, it was 8 pm already. Still 3 and a half hours left until Mark would pick him up. Anyway he was glad that he had that much time left, because he had spent about an hour in the bathroom just staring at his face and wondering what to do already and he didn’t even want to think how long it would take for him to choose something to wear. He kinda felt like a girl, preparing for her boyfriend and shit, but he didn’t really care. He just wanted to look good for Mark, even if that behavior might be sort of girly.

Stepping in front of the tall wardrobe and opened it. The smell of fresh and unworn clothes reached his nose and he sighed. He didn’t have that much clothes at choice. It’s not that he didn’t have enough clothes, no , not at all, _but his clothes actually all looked kind of the same_. There were the plain shirts and then there were the printed ones, mostly some small prints with a brand name like Hurley or something like that.

_And then there were the band shirts._

The band shirts were kinda holy to Tom and he kept them all well in a special drawer. He had about ten band shirts and he loved them all. But two of them, he loved the most: His Descendants shirt and the The Cure one. He only wore them on days that felt special, like birthdays and shit. But today was a kind of special day so he decided to wear the Descendants one. Mark would love that. Choosing some pants wasn’t that difficult either, he just took some short dark grey ones, they actually had been long ones before but Tom had had to cut them off at the knees because he destroyed them when he fell onto the ground hard when he practiced on his skateboard some time ago.

Since Tom had found everything to wear he sat down on his bed, fully changed and his hair done (if you could say so) and didn’t move for a while. He had thought it would take him a lot longer to get some clothes and get dressed but now he had just needed about 15 minutes for everything and still had left so much time until he’d get picked up. That’s why he decided to leave his room and take a look what his mom was doing downstairs.

“Hey mom.” Tom came down the stairs and sat down on the sofa, next to his mother. She looked up from reading her book and gave him a questioning look.

“What, is it that normal that a son talks to his mother?” Tom asked her, grinning.

“Yeah, actually yes, if that boy is you, Thomas.” She answered but smiled at him. The awkwardness from before seemed to had washed off a little until now and Tom was thankful for it.

“No, seriously Tom, why are you sitting here next to me?” She asked, looking at him with a look in her eyes that Tom couldn’t really construe.

“What the-“ Tom stops himself from cursing when his mother gave him a short warning stare “I just wanted to say a hello and… I don’t know, I just wanted to spend a little time here with you, without a particular reason if that’s okay mom. Even if it’s only sitting here, watching TV.” He said, annoyed that she thought he would need a reason to talk to her.

“Oh okay then, make yourself comfortable and if you don’t mind I’d continue reading, you know, that book is really thrilling…” She trailed off and when Tom nodded she gave him a warm smile and started reading again. Tom stood up and turned on the TV and turned the volume down a bit, so his mother wouldn’t be bothered while reading. He placed himself on the couch again and searched for a good channel and eventually found something to watch.

Outside, a car was honking.

Tom looked up from the screen and took a quick look at the clock and holy shit, it was time already. He mumbled a short good bye and stumbled out of the door, almost forgetting to take his wallet with him and taking on his shoes. When the door shut behind him he regretted his decision of wearing short pants. It was basically warm, but there was this sharp wind blowing and his legs were freezing.

He quickly got into the car and shut the door. Inside it was warm and Tom felt better immediately. He turned his face to see Mark, just to be met by his lips and he joyfully pressed his lips against Marks. After a while they let go and Mark smiled at him.

“Gosh, let’s go.. Don’t wait this night’s almost over, if we’re going to keep kissing for ages.”

Tom didn’t say anything but grin and looking out of the window when Mark started the engine. The radio blasted some 80s music and Mark was humming along to a song and Tom just smiled brighter.

They had some small talk, but the drive wasn’t that long so they arrived at the party pretty soon.

 

When they stepped out of the car, Tom could already hear the music blasting. It was some crappy punk rock, but he liked it. He grabbed Mark’s hand for a short moment and squeezed it, but let go when they entered the house.

Right now, Tom was happy he had decided to wear shorts. It was fucking hot in this house, like at least 35 degree Celsius and all the people around them looked sweaty. Somewhere at the end of the room he saw Travis standing next to Scott. Mark dragged him through the crowd of dancing people, straight into Travis’ and Scotts direction.

“Yo Travis, what’s up, dude.” Mark greeted him and then nodded at Scott “Hey Scott”

“New hair colour, dude? Purple this time? At least your head’s not all blue again, like last time…” Travis laughs and takes a sip from his drink. “Hey Tom, great you could make it.” He added.

“Yeah, it’s pretty cool here, right” Tom said smiling.

They chatted with Travis and Scott for a while when some cool-ass jock turned around to face them with and evil grin on his face.

“Oh, so the band’s here, how’s searching for a label going, losers?” He said, some of his friends suddenly behind his back, all like 2 meters tall and the y probably weighed like 200 pounds.

Mark wasn’t impressed at all at their appearance and just casually said.

“Well, we actually got a record deal, so…” That wasn’t actually that true, but they knew someone who’d told them that he’d maybe had something coming up for them, and at the sight of how the jocks jaw dropped that little lie was worth it.

“Oh yeah, and I see, you also got a new hair colour, looks kinda gay, right?” The tall guy glanced at Mark, looking slightly angry.

“Oh, I guess you’ve never heard of it, but there’s actually this thing called fashion sense…”Mark threw in and the guy got all red in the face. Tom wondered how Mark could bring up the courage to say that, because let’s face it, that guy could beat the shit out of Mark anytime.

The tall guy seemed to have enough of Mark and turned to Tom now. The younger boy gulped and mentally prepared himself to either get insulted or get beat up without any reason.

“Still sucking cocks, DeLonge?” he spat at him and Tom blushed. Tom had always been the guy who would have shot back a comeback but right now he wasn’t that sure what to answer right now, but when he felt Mark’s hand on his shoulder he looked the big guy straight in the eyes and grinned his best lopsided smile. “Naw, I moved on to fucking immediately, but hey, I heard your dad is quite good in this business too.” Tom took a short glance at Mark who grinned and quickly looked back at the jock just to see him get even redder. Angrily he faced Travis, trying to somehow succeed this time when he started talking: “Hey pipsqueak, the cat still got your tongue?” And the answer that was coming from Travis was probably one of the best things that have ever left his mouth, at least in Tom’s opinion. “Hey dinkweed, mom still got your balls?” The tall guy was almost bursting with anger but somehow his friends managed to hold him back, but otherwise he would have beat the shit out of them. The three boys didn’t even know why the jock’s friends prevented him from kicking them in the balls or something, but well, they did, and so they got away with it. Eventually the jock and his friends went away, probably drowning the anger of defeat in alcohol, Tom didn’t really care. Mark’s hand was still resting on his shoulder and it made him feel really comfortable. They kept on talking to Scott, who had been just standing there the whole time while the scene with the jock happened, but then Tom decided it was time to get a little bit alcohol so he dragged Mark with him, leaving Travis alone (well, as alone you can be in a crowded house…) to get something to drink. It didn’t take long and they found some beer and since then most of the time got a little blurry. Tom faintly remembered dancing with Mark and he even thought that he’d seen Josie somewhere but he didn’t really care, he was having a pretty good time. When Tom looked around he noticed Mark wasn’t there anymore. A memory of him saying that he’d go to the toilet flashed back into his head, but it had been a while now that Mark was away and Tom got worried. What if Mark had had a little bit too much alcohol and was puking his brains out right now? Or what if he needed Tom’s help? A drunk Tom made his way through the crowd, not knowing where to search for his boyfriend. He decided to go into the kitchen first, since he didn’t see someone in the crowd so far, and maybe Mark was just grabbing some drinks for them and was just about to come back to him? But also in the kitchen was no evidence of Mark. A guy Tom knew from the skate park was leaning against the kitchen counter, smoking, so Tom asked him if he had seen Mark, and the guy thought he had seen him going upstairs, so Tom decided to look in the upper floor of the house, since the bathroom was there and he still had this theory of Mark maybe having too much alcohol. He pushed himself through couples making out and almost stepped on someone who was lying on the stairs but when he finally was upstairs he was looking into a dark floor and it was a bit creepy, even if there was such a big crowd downstairs and the music was still really loud and his ears were ringing.

Tom had been over at Scotts house a few times before, and he barely remembered that the bathroom was the first door on the left side immediately when you come up the stairs. A dim light was shining through the slightly open door of the bathroom and Tom could hear the sounds of someone probably puking out his internal organs, at least it sounded like that. He slowly opened the door and could see a head above the toilet, throwing up heavily. The smell of vomit reached him and he frowned and gulped for a moment. The person who was puking there wasn’t Mark. When Tom could make out it wasn’t his friend, he sighed in relief and closed the door again, without the puking guy even noticing. The sight of it made him shudder, it was a really disgusting picture and Tom just stood in the floor for a short moment, trying to get that picture out of his head, but then he remembered he still hadn’t found Mark yet. He had searched everywhere downstairs. There were only some rooms left in the house he hadn’t checked yet, and those where right in front of him, so he decided to take a short look in each room to make sure he’d find Mark. The first room to the right was the room of Scott’s sister, Tom remembered. Without thinking and without knocking he slowly opened the door and found the room empty. He turned the light on to make sure that there really was nobody in it but still, he was the only one in there. Quickly turning off the lights again he closed the door and stepped to the next one. He didn’t know anymore which room it was but it wasn’t like he cared anyway. He knocked this time but no one was answering so he pushed the door open, just to find some girl crying her eyes out. He mumbled a quick sorry and closed the door again, feeling slightly uncomfortable. Seemed like the girl wasn’t having that much fun at the party, but whatever, he still had 2 rooms to check. He also he couldn’t identify the next one, it was on the left side and he knocked again. This time got an answer, some shouting from the inside to leave them the fuck alone. Seemed like someone was having fun in there Tom grinned and stepped in front of the next door, the last one in the floor and Tom knew which room this was, it was Scott’s. He didn’t expect anyone to be in there but still, he knocked but when he didn’t get an answer he pushed the door open and his heart stopped beating for a second.

There was Mark on the bed, making out with Josie.

As the door crashed into the wall, Mark looked up and his looked Tom directly in the eyes.

_Nothing takes root in this barren soil_


	10. Love Is Dangerous - Mark's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter out of Marks view.  
> ~  
> Thank you for reading this

Had the world stopped moving? Mark wasn’t sure. He had completely frozen, in the middle of a movement. His eyes were locked, captured by Tom’s stare. He didn’t feel anything. He didn’t feel anything because it didn’t felt real. It never had felt real with Josie, just like this whole situation

He kept staring at Tom for a moment longer, not a single emotion crossing his face, not a hint of what was going on showing up, even for just a second. And then the door slammed shut, and there was only the sound of the slam and the brown wood of the door left.

Slowly waking up out of his trance he sat up, easily pushing Josie aside. When he turned around she grabbed him, trying to kiss him again. There was a triumphant smile on her face, he would have given everything to sweep it away, but he didn’t raise his hand against women. He still had that pride.

It slowly came down to him, what had happened, what he had done. It crept through his whole body, making his insides ache. That moment it snapped inside him and he was fully aware of his surroundings again.

“Fuck.”

Josie stared up to him as he jumped up, hastily pushing his hand through his hair and looking around the room like he was searching for something he couldn’t find.

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck! What the fuck have I done? What the fucking fuck, I can’t- Fuck!” He yelled out frustrated.

“Gosh, calm down, Mark. Come sit down and let’s continue where we ended…” Josie tried to use a sexy voice, but it just sounded stupid to Mark now.

“Oh get the fuck out of my view.” He turned around and stepped towards the door.

“If you go now, it’s over.” He heard the girl’s voice dryly behind him.

This decision was easy.

The door closed behind him and he found himself in the dark hall. Walking quickly he reached the stairs and looked into the crowd, searching for Tom but he already knew he wouldn’t be there. Pushing and pressing himself through the crowd and out of this house, away from the masses of sweaty bodies.

The cold night wind brushed his on his face and Mark stopped. He looked around and decided that it wouldn’t make sense to keep running, so he took the keys of his car out of the pocket of his pants and fumbled a while with them before he could open the door, hands still shaking from the adrenalin rush. Once he opened the door he placed himself on the driver’s seat, one hand on the steering wheel and the other one closed around the keys, now about to turn them around and start the engine. He just sat there in this position, wondering where Tom went, wondering how this could have happened.

_~Flashback~_

_“Hey Tom, I’m need to piss, I’ll be right back, okay dude?”_

_They were dancing. Tom seemed pretty drunk by now and Mark probably drank a little too much too, not just because of feeling drunk but because it felt like his bladder was about to explode. Anyway, he squeezed Tom’s hand shortly after the young boy had mumbled something he probably hadn’t understood himself, but Mark took it as an okay, so he started trying to get out of the crowd to find the toilets. He knew that they were upstairs but he didn’t actually know how to get there since his drunk body didn’t quite work how he had wanted it so he walked into about 5 people that cursed him badly. Somehow he still managed to get to the stairs and not breaking a bone when he went upstairs. He opened the first door and surprisingly it was the bathroom already. He had thought it was the second door on the floor but who was he to complain. After pissing what felt like liters he washed his hands and looked into the mirror. Shit, he looked like crap. He brushed his hair with his fingers, trying to make it look less messy, but it didn’t help at all. He was too drunk to care anyways._

_He opened the door to step outside, but something stopped him. Actually it was someone._

_There was Josie standing in the door, doing a somewhat sexy pose._

_“You?” Mark looked at her questioning. Instead of an answer Josie pulled him towards her and pressed her lips onto his. She tasted like vodka, he thought. Not bad though, but not quite right too. The girl wrapped her arms around him, slowly dragging him down the hall, only parting their lips to breathe. Mark wasn’t really aware what was going on, it was happening in a rush, and he was still drunk so yeah, he let it happen. He barely noticed them stumbling into a room, falling down onto the bed. Hands were exploring their bodies, kisses placed everywhere, but they were still fully dressed._

_And then the door opened._

**_~_ **

Marks head dropped and he laid it down on the steering wheel. The memories didn’t make sense to him. Nothing made sense. How could he have let this happen? He was so fucking angry, angry at himself, angry at being drunk, angry at everything, even if he knew it was his own fault. Josie. That fucking bitch. He would never talk to her again.

Eventually he came to the conclusion that Josie was his least problem now and his thoughts drifted to Tom again. He lifted his head and started the engine.

The night was moonlit and the first place he wanted to search for Tom was the skate park. When he drove down the streets the radio was playing until he couldn’t take it anymore, the words and the music made his head spin even more. He probably shouldn’t be driving right now and he just hoped the cops wouldn’t check on him, but he had to find Tom. He had to. Anyways, the shock had sobered him up a whole lot.

When he didn’t find Tom at the skate park he drove to around their neighborhood. It was so familiar to him and to Tom as well, so he hoped Tom would have probably went there, but who was he kidding, he wouldn’t even gone home if that had happened to him. After checking Tom’s house from inside the car twice he just sat there for a while. Where could Tom be?

And then it hit him. He started the engine hastily and even stalled the motor, but then he drove down the streets, heading down to _their place._ Well, actually it was Tom’s but he had showed it to him one day, he shared it with him. Mark had felt really honored back then and still did, just right now he felt like he didn’t deserve it at all.

He parked his car in the parking lot and stepped out of the car. The salty air of the ocean filled his nose and he breathed in deeply. He took off his shoes and stepped on the sand. It was feeling so good, cold but smooth, a little wet maybe. Thank god it was a light night, the moon was shining above him and he knew the way like he knew his way back home.

He just hoped he would find Tom there. He hoped he’d be there so he could apologize, he would beg him to forgive him if he needed to. It was about an hour ago since Tom caught him, he would have had enough time to get to the beach, Scotts house wasn’t that far away from it actually.

He walked up a dune and then found the little path and followed it. He couldn’t hear a sound exceot his own heartbeat and the wind brushing sand against his legs, it even hurt a little. His steps were damped when he walked.

And then he saw him sitting there.

He didn’t know what to say, all the words he had planned to say were stuck inside his throat and he felt like choking on him when he eventually started talking .

“I’m sorry.”

He stopped and didn’t know how to continue. He felt sad, angry, embarrassed and confused all at once, but mostly sad. None of them said a word for a while, they just kept staring.

Without even knowing what he was doing Mark knelt down, grabbed Tom’s face and kissed him. Tom immediately pulled back and spit out. It hurt Mark to see him acting like this, but he actually understood it. He didn’t even knew why he had actually kissed Tom that moment.

Tom looked so fucking angry. It made Mark’s body ache, he felt so bad when Tom stepped away from him, having a disgusted look on his face.

 “Who the fuck do you think you are?” Tom spat out. “Who the fuck do you think you are, just coming here and kissing me like nothing happened. Like you didn’t just had your tongue sticking in your ex-girlfriend’s mouth?” The young boy spit out again and Mark felt like his legs would give in any second. He couldn’t stand it. But he deserved it.

He didn’t reply immediately and Tom took it as a sign to continue shouting “It’s not like you would care, right? It’s not like I mean something to you, right? Did you think this was a motherfucking game, all the time? This is so sick, this is making me so fucking sick.” And then Tom’s legs just gave in and Mark was standing there, helplessly. On the ground Tom sighed and buried his head in his hands, hiding his face. He was hiding from him, it seemed.

“I’m sorry. I really am.” Mark had finally found his voice again, even if it sounded like someone else’s.

It was his turn to talk now, so he did.

 “I didn’t want that to happen, really. She kind of seduced me. I was drunk and all…” Mark trailed off, and Tom just snorted.

“As if this is an acceptable excuse, Mark.”

The older boy sighed.

“I know, it’s not. There probably isn’t an acceptable excuse at all. But honestly, I regret it. Like I regret it so much I would like to go back in time and make it not happen. But we both know this isn’t gonna work so all I can do is saying that I’m sorry.”

He stopped for a second, looking up to the stars while he continued “You know when we sat here about 3 months ago, school was out, we pretty much spent all your vacation out here, but this particular day we sat here until night and you explained all the different star constellations to me?”

Tom looked relaxed for a moment, obviously remembering that night when they sat there and Tom was on vacation and they spent most their time at the beach but this exact night was sort of special to him.

“That night I knew I had fallen in love with you.”

He could hear Tom breathing in sharp and Mark felt tears building up in his eyes. Finally Tom looked at him again, looking a bit shocked, probably because of the glistening of tears in his eyes.

 “Really, Tom. I mean it. I am so fucking sorry. I understand if you don’t want to see me again, like ever, but please believe me, I love you and I’d miss you to death.” A single tear rolled down Mark’s cheek. He hated crying but he couldn’t hold it back not now. This here right now, it was really upsetting Mark. He turned his head, and they were looking at each other directly now, but Tom quickly averted his eyes, turning away and looking onto the ocean.

“I never liked her, you know.” Tom’s voice sounded hoarse. “I always thought she was up to something bad. I never understood why you liked her.” He paused again. “Well, anyway… I love you Mark. It’s true. I would lie if I said I didn’t. But you know, this isn’t easy. It wasn’t going to be easy and it still isn’t. A ‘I’m sorry’ is just a sentence, but what are those words in comparison to a bruised, well, probably broken heart?”

Tom was right. Mark was the one who fucked everything up. But when Tom said he loved him, there was hope burning inside him, he was hoping so badly it would be okay again, but he knew he had to be careful.

“Nothing. It’s nothing.” Mark responded, obviously hurt. This was much for him to bear to. He had never wanted something like this to happen and Tom meant so fucking much to him. His anger made it even harder to not start bawling.

“Fucking right. Nothing. So, do you understand, this won’t be like ‘Sure, dude, it’s okay, let’s have some Tacos’, no this is something different. I had probably the worst week of my life and when I thought it got better this fucking happened.” Tom looked so stressed, the older boy kind of absorbed his stress and felt it , together with his own. Another thing they shared.

“What had happened back then, when you didn’t want to tell me what had happened? You know that day, when…” Mark trailed off, he had suddenly remembered Tom’s behavior back that day when, well…

“Dad left us.” Tom stared into the night, raising his look up to the stars and even when he heard Mark’s muffled “Shit” Mark’s head dropped and he held it in his hands. He must have looked like a little kid, so vulnerable.

“I’m so sorry, Tom. I didn’t know that. Oh god, I feel like a complete asshole. Can you ever forgive me? I made that hell of a week even worse. Oh god, I’m so sorry, really…” Mark had rested his hands on his knees now, and looked at Tom directly, trying to read something out of the depths of the dark brown eyes. All he could see was sadness and hurt.

“First of all, yes, you are a complete asshole.” Tom paused for a while but eventually kept on talking,. “And secondly, I don’t know. I can’t tell you yet…” The hurt on Marks face grew bigger. The hope that had appeared vanished. Tom wasn’t sure. Well, who would forgive this so easily. He would never forgive this himself, so why the fuck would Tom.

Tom turned away, breaking the eye contact. He laid down in the sand

“But I’ll try.”

Tom’s eyes were closed. Mark sighed in relief, it sounded shakily though, but it was full with relief.

_Tom would give him a second chance._

He grabbed Tom’s hand, that was lying on his chest and they stayed like that for a while. Tom eventually grabbed Mark’s hand and put it above the spot of his chest where he could feel his heart beating. Tom had made his decision. He could never abandon Mark. No matter what he would do, he would come back.

After a while Mark laid down next to him, the sand making its way into his hair, his clothes, sticking to his skin, but both boys didn’t care. The older boy hadn’t let go of Tom’s hand and this is how they were lying there, complete silence except their breathing.

Mark couldn’t say how much time went by when he spoke up.

“Love is one fucked up thing. We’ll betray the ones we care about. And I don’t even know why. Nothing seems to make sense.”

Mark really didn’t know. He didn’t know why he had done this and he would probably never quite understand it at all. All he knew he would never do it again, never wanting to make anyone go through this hell again.

“Love is dangerous.”

Tom looked at the boy lying next to him. Mark looked back and he still couldn’t quite believe how glad he was to have Tom. He was his everything.

“If it is true love, I will take the danger that comes along with it.” For the first time this night Tom smiled again.

Mark smiled too now and it felt good to just watch him and the blue-eyed boy opened his mouth and said those words, those words that he was hoping to be true, those words that he felt like saying, those words he believed in.

_“Everything’s gonna be fine.”_


	11. Love Is Dangerous - Toms' POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is written from 2 different views. This is Tom's view. If you click onto the next chapter, you will read it from Mark's view.  
> ~  
> I hope you enjoyed reading this fic.

_There was Mark on the bed, making out with Josie._

_As the door crashed into the wall, Mark looked up and he looked Tom directly in the eyes._

 

A deadly silence filled Tom’s head, not a single sound was heard, even the heavy beat of his heart didn’t reach his ears. For a moment Tom’s whole world stood still.

And then the sound came back, the sound of a breaking heart, crashing into pieces, being torn apart and ripped out of his chest, away from his body, away from any clear thoughts. Tom would have screamed, he would have cried but there was nothing left. Nothing left to give. He had given everything the last days, for his family, for Mark.

He had given away his trust and heart, and it got handed him back bleeding and broken.

_It’s not right._

He looked at him, he looked Mark right in the eyes. He couldn’t find a single hint of what made him do that. He couldn’t find a solution.

_He couldn’t find an excuse._

Mark’s facial expression was blank, like the air was pressed out of his lungs and he was frozen and stuck in that position.

He couldn’t bear this. He couldn’t stay there any second longer. He needed to get away, anywhere but away. He took one step back, then another, almost stumbling about his own feet and he finally realized what had happened, what Mark had done. And before the door slammed shut, he took a short glance at Mark’s face, suddenly plastered with speechless fright, like he had just realized what he had done. And then his face was gone, just a dark wooden door in front of Tom’s face, leaving him all alone in the dark hall, while downstairs the world was still okay and nobody cared about his broken heart.

His feet moved on their own and Tom realized he was running down the hall, down the stairs, pushing his way through drunken and unknowing boys and girls, getting himself out of this house, where everybody seemed to have a good time but him. He didn’t stop running though, he kept on, his feet moving into a yet unknown direction, not sure of a destination. After while his lungs almost gave out, his heart beat was pounding in his chest and his eyes were stinging, he didn’t know if it was because of the heavy wind that was blowing into his face or because the tears he thought he had cried out long ago finally found their way back and ran down his cheeks. He was crying his heart out, letting out the anger and hurt in form of a wet stream on his face.

After a while his exhaustion took over and his movements got slower, and soon he fell into a fast walk.

He knew where he was heading, a place he hadn’t expected to go but he just ended up there, at the edge of the town and the ocean, a long field of sand. Tom stood right on the edge, the place where the ground slowly turned over into sand. He slipped out of his shoes and took off his socks, standing barefoot on the cold ground, feeling the millions of pieces of sand under his feet and it just reminded him how his heart was broken, small little pieces that once used to be a bigger thing, destroyed by the power of nature, or in his case, love.

The young boy stood there for a while before going closer to the ocean, the salty smell filling his nose. He used to love to sit here on weekends, usually with friends. With Mark.

It was kinda funny how his thoughts always drifted back to Mark. Well, not funny actually, it was sad. It was just so fucking sad. The last days had been rough. He hadn’t needed this. He didn’t need all of this shit.

A lonely scream left his throat, filled with anger and frustration, it sounded so misplaced at this peaceful place, standing all on his own in the middle of the night.

After the sound of pure pain vanished, he began walking again. His feet automatically started moving, but this time Tom knew his destination. It wasn’t like he really wanted to go there, but it just felt right to go to a familiar place.

He walked a few minutes until he reached the dunes, walking up the small hill and turned right to face a small path which he followed along. It was full moon, otherwise he probably wouldn’t have seen a thing, but right now he could see everything clearly, shining in that weird but beautiful moonlight.

When Tom reached the end of the path he arrived at a small round place, surrounded by higher grass where nobody could see you from the beach, but you could still watch the waves crashing down there. He used to sit there for hours, watching the people walk by and thinking of how it would be to be somewhere at the end of this ocean, playing shows when he got famous. With his band. With his and Mark’s band. And there he was again. Mark. Also, Mark was the only person who knew this place. It was special to Tom and he didn’t wanted to share it with somebody else but Mark.

And that’s how he sat there, thinking about what has gone wrong and he didn’t notice the time go by, it could have been hours or just minutes he had been sitting there, he couldn’t tell.

 

He didn’t hear the steps coming, they were damped by the sand and he wasn’t really paying attention to anything anyway, he was just too buried in his thoughts. He only noticed when he was standing right in front of him.

Mark.

How could he dare standing there? How could he dare coming back to him? How could he dare to expect Tom would listen to him?

“I’m sorry.” And that was it. That was all Mark said. Then it was quiet for a while. Tom couldn’t decide to whether look at the body, that was covering the moon and drawing his shadow on the younger boy, or just looking away because he just didn’t want to look at him. In the end he didn’t have to decide at all, because Mark took his face and placed his hands on it, pressing his lips into his. After a short moment of shock Tom pulled back, his face burning with anger. He spit out, right into the sand next to Mark’s feet and stepped back a few steps, a disgusted look on his face.

“Who the fuck do you think you are?” He spat out. “Who the fuck do you think you are, just coming here and kissing me like nothing happened. Like you didn’t just had your tongue sticking in your ex-girlfriend’s mouth?” With the thought of that he spat onto the ground again. He couldn’t stand the thought of even having an atom of her spit in his mouth, it almost made him throw up.

When Mark didn’t reply it only made him angrier and he started shouting “It’s not like you would care, right? It’s not like I mean something to you, right? Did you think this was a motherfucking game, all the time? This is so sick, this is making me so fucking sick.” He whispered the last words, his legs giving in and he landed on his butt pretty hard. He let out a sigh and buried his head in his hands. Everything was so exhausting and he felt so tired. He was tired of being sad. He could feel Mark sit down next to him, he could feel his warmth, even if they weren’t touching.

“I’m sorry. I really am.”

‘Well as if that is going to make it any better’ Tom thought but he remained quiet. He didn’t have the power to be angry anymore. Not now.

“I didn’t want that to happen, really. She kind of seduced me. I was drunk and all…” Mark trailed off, and Tom just snorted.

“As if this is an acceptable excuse, Mark.”

The older boy sighed and Tom took a quick glance at him through his fingers. Mark looked exhausted too. Still, he was so fucking mad at him.

“I know, it’s not. There probably isn’t an acceptable excuse at all. But honestly, I regret it. Like I regret it so much I would like to go back in time and make it not happen. But we both know this isn’t gonna work so all I can do is saying that I’m sorry.” He stopped for a second, looking up to the stars while he continued “You know when we sat here about 3 months ago, school was out, we pretty much spent all your vacation out here, but this particular day we sat here until night and you explained all the different star constellations to me?”

Of course Tom remembered. How could he not. It had been a perfect night, clear sky, not a single cloud covering the stars above them. They had sat there until morning and Tom had caught a little cold back then but it had been worth it.

“That night I knew I had fallen in love with you.”

Tom took in a sharp breath. He slowly uncovered his face, placing his hands on the ground to prop himself up. A look at Mark’s face startled him because he saw tears glistening in his eyes.

“Really, Tom. I mean it. I am so fucking sorry. I understand if you don’t want to see me again, like ever, but please believe me, I love you and I’d miss you to death.” A single tear rolled down Mark’s cheek. Tom had never seen him cry before. Even when he fell down that stupid lamppost he didn’t cry. This here right now, it was really upsetting Tom. Mark turned his head, and they were looking at each other directly now, but Tom quickly averted his eyes, turning away and looking onto the ocean. The pure expression of sadness on the face of his friend was killing him, he just had to look away.

“I never liked her, you know.” Tom’s voice sounded hoarse. “I always thought she was up to something bad. I never understood why you liked her.” He paused again. “Well, anyway… I love you Mark. It’s true. I would lie if I said I didn’t. But you know, this isn’t easy. It wasn’t going to be easy and it still isn’t. A ‘I’m sorry’ is just a sentence, but what are those words in comparison to a bruised, well, probably broken heart?” He had to control himself so his voice wasn’t shaking. He stared at the sea, waiting for an answer.

“Nothing. It’s nothing.” Mark responded, obviously hurt. Tom could hear it in his voice. Sometimes it was a bad thing to know a person that well. Sometimes their pain kind of slowly moved over to your own and made you feel bad too. That’s probably just how it goes if you’re in love, you share everything. The happiness and the sadness and all the pain it brings with it.

“Fucking right. Nothing. So, do you understand, this won’t be like ‘Sure, dude, it’s okay, let’s have some Tacos’, no this is something different. I had probably the worst week of my life and when I thought it got better this fucking happened.” Tom could feel a pressure in his chest. It wasn’t the first time his psychic pain had become physical. Sometimes it had been headaches only, other times it was a sting in his chest. Today it felt like his chest was gonna burst.

“What had happened back then, when you didn’t want to tell me what had happened? You know that day, when…” Mark trailed off but Tom didn’t care, it calmed him that Mark remembered, because that meant he cared.

“Dad left us.” Tom stared into the night, raising his look up to the stars and even when he heard Mark’s muffled “Shit” he didn’t bother to let his look sink. Eventually he turned around and saw Mark holding his head in his hands. He looked like a little kid, so vulnerable. Again, Tom had never seen him like this before.

“I’m so sorry, Tom. I didn’t know that. Oh god, I feel like a complete asshole. Can you ever forgive me? I made that hell of a week even worse. Oh god, I’m so sorry, really…” Mark had rested his hands on his knees now, looking at Tom directly so he could see the tears in his eyes again. Even if he didn’t like the view of Mark being about to cry he didn’t turn around again but kept on looking at him directly.

“First of all, yes, you are a complete asshole.” Tom paused for a while but eventually kept on talking, because he couldn’t stand the begging look on Mark’s face. “And secondly, I don’t know. I can’t tell you yet…” The hurt on Marks face grew bigger. He didn’t even know why he was so calm and Mark looked so fucked up. It’s not like Mark had lost his father this week and got deceived by him, so yeah, he just didn’t quite get it.

In the end Tom turned away, breaking the eye contact. He laid down in the sand, again remembered by those pieces that everything could fall to pieces, even if it was hard as a rock. The difference between the rock and Tom’s heart was that it was _his heart._ It was alive, it was still working, it was beating. And it was beating for someone.

“But I’ll try.”

Tom closed his eyes. He heard Mark’s little relieved sigh, it sounded shakily though, but it was full with relief. Something grabbed Tom’s hand, that was lying on his chest and they stayed like that for a while. Tom eventually grabbed Mark’s hand and put it above the spot of his chest where he could feel his heart beating. Tom had made his decision. He could never abandon Mark. No matter what he would do, he would come back. He knew it.

After a while Mark laid down next to him, the sand making its way into his hair, his clothes, sticking to his skin, but both boys didn’t care. The older boy hadn’t let go of Tom’s hand and this is how they were lying there, complete silence except their breathing.

Tom couldn’t say how much time went by when Mark spoke up.

“Love is one fucked up thing. We’ll betray the ones we care about. And I don’t even know why. Nothing seems to make sense.”

Tom knew he was right.

“Love is dangerous.”

Tom looked at the boy lying next to him. His eyes sparkled in the moon light and once again he was overwhelmed by their beauty.

“If it is true love, I will take the danger that comes along with it.” For the first time this night Tom smiled again. It felt good. Like something had broken inside him, but not in a bad way. Like something had found its way outside that had been hiding inside him, waiting for the right moment to come free.

He wouldn’t try to forget what had happened, because he knew he couldn’t. He could try to live with it, and he would give his best. His hope didn’t die, and he hoped it never would.

Mark smiled too now and it felt good to just watch him and the blue-eyed boy opened his mouth and Tom soaked the words in when they left his mouth because he knew they were true. He didn’t know it when he was standing in the room staring at Josie and Mark, he didn’t know it when he ran down the streets of his hometown, he didn’t know it when he was screaming his lungs out at the beach. But he knew it now, and that was all that mattered.

_“Everything’s gonna be fine.”_


End file.
